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Practical advice for separation please?

2 replies

etttvatre · 13/10/2015 09:03

I'm just working up the courage to tell my DH I want a separation/divorce. I've not been happy for over a year, nothing has happened but I have just fallen out of love with him and do not find him attractive anymore.

I'm not sure whether this will come as a surprise to him or not, but I am sure he will be devastated either way. I am feeling incredibly guilty and don't want to hurt him but cannot carry on with this marriage.

Anyway, I do need some practical advice. What are the things I need to think of?

We are renting and haven't really got any assets. Our tenancy is coming to an end and we have been told we will have to leave the property we are in early January so I feel now is the time to do it, so we can move straight into separate accommodation when we leave this property.

I earn roughly twice as much as him, but have checked the benefits advisor website and he should be fine financially on his own.

Is it possible to separate / get a divorce without getting lawyers involved?
Can we sort out our own child arrangements or do we need to get a lawyer involved here?

Anything else I should think of???

I am really hoping he won't put up with too much of a fight and that we can do this amicably...

OP posts:
DivorceAlchemist · 13/10/2015 11:02

Etttvatre you are being very wise and thoughtful. If you no longer love your husband, and feel that for you the relationship is over, the kindest thing you can do is tell him. That leaves you both free to move on.

You don't mention whether you have children but even if you have them, it's also kinder for them to take steps to move forward now.

Before you do anything, be clear that you are ready. Make sure that any u happiness you feel isn't within you somewhere. If it is, that will continue after divorce.

If you are sure (and it sounds like you are), sit him down and tell him about you. About how you feel. Use 'l' statements. When you talk from 'I' you can never be wrong. 'I think' or 'I feel' don't get into blaming 'you do this' Etc.

You may not need a lawyer if you have very few assets. Bank accounts, pensions, savings life policies etc can be dealt with without.

You will both need to disclose your finances particularly if you want a clean break which would mean no claims in future against each other.

Communication is key. Keep talking. Get your paperwork together first. Look at your finances before you start negotiating. Start looking at what it will cost to rent on your own.

You will have to see a mediator before issuing. Mediation is much cheaper and will save you time as well as money. You may even qualify for legal aid. If you don't but hubby does, you will get a session free to.

Explore these options before going to a lawyer. Mediators can give you legL information and help the two of you decide what to do.
Good luck

Richywalters12 · 13/10/2015 22:57

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