Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Psycho guff

4 replies

Utterfool96 · 12/10/2015 09:00

Long story. Married for 11yrs. Signs of him being controlling from early on but didn't impact me so often and so badly til after birth of DD2. Emerged from PND 18m or so ago to realise that it was the way I was being treated that made me feel so awful and full of self-loathing but was only after I read a poster on back if McD's toilet door that I realised EA had a name and was a real thing. 13m ago (after uploading all my texts onto his laptop) he realised that maybe it was something about him that was making him feel so bad. After this came him reading LOADS of books of EA, going on a course, starting counselling, desperate to save marriage. I had already realised enough was enough but decided there was no harm in giving it time. 1yr on I've filed for divorce, he insists we have a future but has also said he 'over-confessed' a year ago and says my accusations of EA are built on lies. He refuses to leave the house and says if I go with the kids he'll get a court injunction as this is kidnapping. I feel that I'm being driven mad, he says I am emotionally abusing him. He does a lot for the kids and so has told me I won't get custody. He says I should leave the house if I can't stand things but won't go without my kids. Feel I'm on the edge but can't afford to look crazy or give any sign that I'm not able to look after kids. Feel trapped. Solicitor a few weeks ago said would start occupation order but not sure how long it will take. Will be calling her today. Hate how he manages to make me look like the crazy one and so hard to put down on paper emotional/psychological abuse. Help!

OP posts:
Asteria36 · 12/10/2015 09:27

Oh you poor thing. It sounds like he couldn't cope with the harsh truth and hard work of repairing what he had been inflicting on you, so just went back to doing it. What a shit. Have you spoken to Women's Aid? Even your GP might be able to help - especially if you can discuss the connection between the PND and EA.
As for the shit he is feeding you at the moment about kidnapping the children and emotionally abusing him - he is being completely vile. Stay as calm as you can, try and detach emotionally from the situation. He wants to bully and gaslight you into a state of emotional weakness so that you will never leave. Try to keep in mind that in all this he is really the weak one and this behaviour stems from a fear that you will leave and have a far better life without him. Which you will!
Don't get too hung up on getting all the abuse on paper, or worry that incidents you note might sound a bit feeble - that is completely normal. Emotional abuse is a process of little chips and put-downs. A slow process of erosion. Thankfully now EA is more recognised, the nature of it is understood - your H is just running scared and hopin that he can undermine your moves to leave him.

Utterfool96 · 12/10/2015 11:24

Thanks Asteria. Hopefully will feel a bit better when I know where I stand legally. Being firm hard, often have to say 'I'm not continuing this conversation' repeatedly which probably angers him and makes me feel like an idiot but I have to create boundaries to keep myself safe (psychologically that is).

OP posts:
Asteria36 · 12/10/2015 11:51

"I'm not continuing this conversation" - or even "I am not prepared to discuss anything with you whilst you are addressing me in that way" are both really good ways of shutting down his abuse. My mother is emotionally abusive so i am all to aware of how easy it is to react and get sucked into their games! When are you going to see someone legal?

Richywalters12 · 13/10/2015 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread