Recently separated

[Wingnut73]

Hi all. I'm new to this site but am going through a tough time. I've been with husband 20 years and married 13 years. Seemingly out of the blue, the last may bank holiday weekend he said ' we need to talk', he said he was unhappy but didn't know why. I asked him if he still loved me. He didn't say anything for a while then said ' I dont know'. Then 2 days later he said he wasn't going to say that but now he'd though about IT he didn't. He devastated me. He didn't leave but over the months his behaviour just brought me down. I was anxious all the time. We argued. He kept sitting in the utility room drinking and smoking. He said he wanted to be in the relationship and wanted to sort things but for me he wasn't doing enough. It came to a head when I found out I was ill and would have to be monitored. His response was to sit in the utility room drinking and smoking and 'getting down' . In the end I asked him if he wNted to separate and 2 days later re he said yes. I only said it to shock him. Then he just said while I was on a monitor he wanted to separate he didn't love me anymore and I couldn't stop him leaving. Then he came and slept in our bed!! I kicked him out and then out the house next morning. He's broken my heart, I don't understand it. We had a good marriage...even he sees that but it's all unravelled. He's now got. A 6 month lease on a flat 30 minutes away and I'm at home with the kids. I'm so sad

[Georgethesecond]

My situation is very similar. My husband suffers from depression and that was the root of it (after twenty years) I think. All I can suggest is focus on the kids and take it a day at a time. Go easy on yourself.

[Wingnut73]

I feel he is depressed. He had a funeral where he saw his dad for the first time in years and his dad was really horrible to him. He came back and he just withdrew. That's what it seems to me. I can't imagine he is happy now.

[Georgethesecond]

How long has he been gone?
Does he see the kids?
Does he pay maintenance?

[Wingnut73]

He's been gone about 6 weeks now. He pays towards the kids but I use that to pay the mortgage. he misses the kids. I know this from his mum. He comes over every Tuesday evening and takes them out and we have agreed every other weekend from fri to sunday. This wkd was the first he'd done this properly. Before it's been the odd night.

[Georgethesecond]

Poor you. You must be exhausted.