I found out 2 years ago that my wife was having an affair with a family friend. This had been going on for 6 months or so. To say I was devastated was an understatement! At the time of the beginning of the affair we had a 4month old and a 5 year old. After a few weeks of melt downs and complete break downs, I decided that I wanted to try to salvage the marriage and try to get through things.
Looking back, there were few apologies, little affection and anytime I had a question, it was met with anger. I kind of carried on trying not to say anything but occasionally, this would bubble up and explode into a melt down where I just couldn't cope. In fact I can say that the last two years have been the worst of my life and a total struggle to get through.
18 months later (April 2015) I walked into our bedroom and I found her in a secret phone texting him. My world collapsed around me AGAIN and she was the one that insisted that we could never work. I left and lived in Premier Inns for a month then borrowed an apartment for another month then managed to get my own house that I currently rent. I am still paying for the family home, her car, her spending money, everything as she is a stay at home mum. I currently see the children around 50% of the time as they stay at mine when they can.
Now around 2 months ago, I met a girl whom I fell head over heels for and it's just fantastic, I could go on about it but I'll spare the vomit inducing details but I'm extremely happy. She has two little children and we've begun to talk about the future and how we can spend more time together etc. we've talked about getting a place together big enough for all of us even though realistically, we all probably won't be there together much with child access arrangements. Here's what I'm coming to where I need some advice...
Both myself and my ex agreed that we would talk to each other whenever this situation came up. I mentioned this to her via text that this was something that could be on he cards...
The reaction was not out of character but she's made all kind of threats to my new partner saying she'll be round there at her house saying she can't go near her kids or she'll smash her face in etc... That kind of stuff. She's said that she will not allow the kids to come to mind if she ever finds out that they've been introduced to my new partner. She's also said that it WILL BE after the new year before she will allow HER children to meet my new partner for a 30 min session in the park or something.
Now I'm not talking about her moving in immediately but out of respect, wanted to raise the issue so we could talk about it. Obviously didn't go down well! My children are now 8 and 3 and I'd like to know how long you think it acceptable to leave things until they can be introduced?
Any advice gratefully received!!