Am I being fair asking for 60/40 of final house sale?

[everything2me]

I have always thought that we would settle at 50/50, but now I am considering 60/40. We were married 16 years, been separated 4 now.
Ex has agreed that I stay in mortgaged home until youngest leaves full time education (only a few years away). He currently pays 50% of mortgage and a small amount of maintenance towards children.
After finding out some upsetting stuff, I have started the divorce proceedings, but need to agree what will happen when we sell home in a few years. Think the equity should be about £70,000.
I originally put had a property on my own, which I made about £20,000 on, which went into the family home when I sold it. During our married life, I was mainly a stay at home mum, with ex paying mortgage.
I am considering asking him to agree to a 60/40 agreement, with him keeping his pension (I do not have one). Do you think this would be fair? He is on a good wage, where as I will only ever have cleaning/shop work now. And although the kids will both be over 18 at time of settlement, I will probably still need to at least rent a 2 bed, where as he only needs 1 bed. I dont want to touch his pension, as I know if will always feel it is "his". I dont want to go down road, of solicitors asking for his wage slips etc, as I know this will make him more angry.
I am scared to ask him to agree 60/40, but also kind of feel this is fair, when I am left with the responsibilities. What do you all honestly think? 50/50 or 60/40 of the £70,000?

First of all you need to BOTH make a declaration of ALL your assets and that includes pension. Then you need to discuss how it should be divided and come to an arrangement. You will eventually need an unrented roof over your head so don't settle for less. It's also really important to take his pension into account. It's perfectly fair that it should be included and thank God for the forward looking (male) lawyer who made it UK law. Before that an awful lot of divorced elderly women were destitute in their old age. By all means trade property share for pension if you must, but everything should be on the table. Going to a mediator may help keep costs down if that's what you are trying to avoid. Good luck and remember that your contribution during the marriage whatever you did should be taken into account.

What is your relationship like now? Are u able to speak to him? Mediation? Judge will see that money you put in isn't necessarily due to you as long marriage and it was done within that. That's what a solicitor told me re my situation. However, as already been said you declare your assets as part of the settlement. Needs to be roughly equal. If u are providing home for children u would get more possibly.

Exh and I agreed it ourselves which is better if u can. I got house and its equity and he kept his pension. When I sold house I paid him a small token amount which was mainly to sweeten judge to agree our settlement.

Whatever decision you do come to, please sort it out. PIL have friends who have been separated 16 years and are in a right mess.

He left for someone else. She stayed in the house with the children who are grown up now. She worked full time. He saw them every single day just about and supports them both financially as adults. Divorce sorted but not finalised because financial situation never sorted. He has paid whole of mortgage during that time, plus generous maintenance plus took them on holiday twice a year and they stayed with him at weekends.

House has been on market 4 years. 2 viewings, price reduced once but she will not agree to it being reduced again. It is over- priced by £25,000. She wants enough out if it to buy herself somewhere else outright. He is painted as a bastard to all and sundry if he raises the matter. She is expecting 70% of it but he has paid the whole mortgage for 20 years and thinks that is unfair. He has another house with his partner but is unwell now and needs to clear that mortgage to reduce his outgoings. It is a horrible situation. She is now saying she wants part of his pension and lump sum when he retires yet they were only together 8 years and since they split up he has had lots of promotions and is now very well paid (but likely to have to retire early due to ill health) but she thinks she should benefit from that. I don't know what the law would say but they should have sorted it out 14 years ago.

They are both incredibly bitter. It causes them a lot of pain and unhappiness and there is still so much uncertainty.

Please sort it out. Don't let it drag.

If he keeps all of pension, you get more of equity in house. 60% probs not enough. Please get legal advice.

The Op says he pays a small amount towards the dc. The 1/2 of the mortage is him paying to keep a roof over his children's heads. When they no longer need that, he will no longer pay.
I agree with other posters OP. DON'T give up on the pension without advice. It may be that your share of it is worth £35,000 and so he keeps the pension, you keep the equity is an easy split but you need advice.

Do you have a pension? If not, you need to have a share of his. Or more equity in the house. You really need a solicitor.

I've been a SAHM for 15 years. I have 70% of the house when the youngest reaches 21 and 30% of his pension (a share for the time we were together).

Bear in mind that the majority of pensioners living in poverty are divorced women. It's not being entitled, or greedy, it's about being fair.

Don't exclude the pension from your reckoning. If it's a good pension it could be worth more than the whole equity of the house. A pension isn't something sacred or mysterious, it is just today's income put aside for tomorrow and it is no more "his" than the house. All the assets built up in the marriage, pension included, ought go be shared fairly. You invested your life in the marriage. You get your fair share out at the end.

And also remember not to start off by requesting what you actually want, particularly if he is a bastard who is likely to say no and bargain hard.

If you want to settle at 60/40 you might have to start off at 80/20 and half the pension in order to give you some space to negotiate down and be shown to be willing to compromise.

If you want 60/40 and start with that as your opening offer, there's a very good chance that you will be bargained down much lower...