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I'm really scared

5 replies

MoanCraft · 12/09/2015 01:37

my h and I have reached a point of no return. I have said I'll move out until we sort things out. I have just started working full time again and now have a really stressful job that I am trying my hardest to hold down in the circumstances. I am in probationary period.
It is likely my h will be main carer for my ds who is 6. He is retired this year and it was always planned for me to go back to work whilst he took care of our ds.
He is now threatening that if I leave he will not be kind and has started sending emails intimating that I will not get to see him very much.
So my question is should I stay in the house until we officially separate and it's decided in the court, or do I still move out and deal with it there.
I only want to move out as I stayed in the same house with my divorcing parent for years and it was the worst thing to go through as a child. I do not want the same for my son.
I am trying to be extremely reasonable in this. But I have just woken to him throwing things around in the loft and down the loft stairs, suitcases and things. He's very, very angry and he's started to be quite frightening and intimidating.
I fear not seeing my son, until 7 weeks ago I was his primary carer 24/7 for 7 years. I am already finding it extremely hard not seeing him when I'm at work.
Does anyone have any advice as to what should be my next steps.

OP posts:
Minime85 · 13/09/2015 08:41

I'm so sorry this sounds really tough. I think u need to go and see a solicitor and get some advice

MidnightVelvetthe3rd · 18/09/2015 17:44

Sorry to hear this Moancraft, you need to get some legal advice. Consult a solicitor or maybe book an appt with the CAB. Stay in the house until you know what he is & is not entitled to. He doesn't need to know that you are seeking advice.

Keep the emails (maybe put them in a folder so you don't see them whenever you use your email) & keep a diary of anything he does that intimidates or frightens you or your DS. Your lawyer may be interested in them,

tbh if you know the relationship has ended then just distance yourself. He can fuck off with his threats & his 'will not be kind', its not up to him to decide the intricacies of access etc & if you are separated then his happiness is not your concern! Do not be blackmailed by his threats Brew

lookingforlight · 18/09/2015 20:39

Hi. Want to reiterate others advice
Please get some legal advice before taking any big step like moving out. Unless (and I have to ask), are you scared for your personal safety?

If you aren't under any threat and he's just being grumpy/ throwing his weight about, then focus on your dS and your relationship with him. Quality not quantity is what what matters. When you are home from work, spend time with him, make jokes, lighten the mood and refuse to be drawn into any verbal sparring if your STBXH tries.

Your 7 year old will be watching everything and will be ok if you remain calm and the responsible grown up.

Don't run from your house and child unless you have to. Hope that helps.

Frecklesandspecs · 22/09/2015 21:07

I know how stressful situations like this are (in one myself, can't leave until end Oct)
Get as much info as you can online and know your rights and get an idea of how the courts would manage your situation.
My h is doing all the same things. I've just had to shut it out for now and cling on to the fact it's only a matter of weeks.
If you feel you can't take anymore, I'd get out. Last week I was an awful mess, not eating, sleeping etc for the stress but am feeling a bit better now I've made a decision in my mind and know I have somewhere to go.
Do you know where you will go and live?

Frecklesandspecs · 22/09/2015 21:09

Ps, my situation is a bit different as I'm taking the kids. It would be much harder if I had to leave them.

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