Opinions please on fair finances

[Hattie11]

Need some straight advice on whether I'm letting my anger at ex make more of a fight than needs.

Split 2 years ago. 4 children. They stay at each of ours half the week.
I bought ex out of joint property and live a frugal life on a low wage paying the mortgage on the home that will ultimately be their inheritance.

Ex spent his equity on a fast car and moved in with family rent free. He agrees to go half on essentials for the children. This we agreed on school uniforms lunches and travel. And other basics.

I still claim full tax credits and child benefit.

Some months I don't ask him for anything...this month is the most I've asked for £100 towards school shoes.

He likes controls so often comes back with no ill give you £80 because I bought them lego (for example). I argue that treats are not essentials. He says if I argue he will claim half my tax credits and benefit.

If he had living costs I would think that fair. But he doesn't.

Child maintenance options say I'd be entitled to £100 a month from him.but I'm scared to ask as he is a bully and would try and win my tax credits...this I understand is difficult but possible
If I lost my tax credits I would have to sell my home.
Basically I hate the fact he can still exert his power and control after all this time and I can do nothing about it.
Do I just accept tax credits is enough? Qm I being unreasonable?

Bump

Yes I explained our split to child maintenance and they still calculate he would owe £100 a month. It is half week each. But counted by hours I have them more a week than him. And as I say I'm always the one to take days off work if they are sick and cover school hols a bit more. ( I don't get paid if I take the day off. But he would but won't take the day off)

I know that the truth is our situation is pretty fair, and if I wasn't struggling financially I wouldn't quibble.

When I read other threads where exhusbands leave the family home until youngest is 18 I feel like I have a raw deal. I increased my mortgage to ensure he get his full equity owing to him. He made my life hell until I did.
And the way I see it is he should be slightly appreciative of the fact I'm working to buy a home which will be inheritance for our children. Where he now has no property no pension to leave to them.

As far as I'm aware, hours spent are irrelevant and maintenance is calculated on how many nights spent with each parent.

Yes Alice the website gives that impression but over the phone they explained it as over an entire year actual time calculated.

No we weren't married, lived together 18 years.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? I feel I'm not asking much from him....but aware the anger and nastiness that fell between us probably taints my logical thinking and his.

He could claim half the tax credits if he proved the split is precisely 50/50 which is very hard to prove apparently. But he's up for a challenge when it involves hurting me.

I just don't want to have to spend the rest of my life asking politely for contribution to our childrens things every month to be spoken to by a bully who holds control and tells me he will give me what he thinks is right.
I wish he would just agree a monthly amount and be done with it. But he won't because he likes the control.

It took me 6 years to convince my ex to pay me maintenance by Standing Order instead of me having to lower myself to asking him for it weekly. It did happen though, so don't give up.

I'm not sure how the rules work with regards to CB and CTC as my ex has the kids nowhere near 50/50, but he's obviously not on a good wage if he is expected to only pay £100 a month. What you each have to spend on outgoings is irrelevant, only the income.

It would be easier for both of you to agree to a set amount, every month/week/whatever and noone asks each other for anything in between.

Hmm 6 years sounds about right.

He isnt on a great wage but it also accounts for the fact he has them half the week. So I believe it's fair and would be much simpler!

I know but that would have been the case for us he couldn't buy me out, so with the help of family I bought him out. So couldn't exactly afford it.

And no I have never mentioned child maintenance to him wouldn't dare. Injustice wanted to know what they would calculate.

Unfortunately the money is massively significant to me if it wasn't I wouldn't bother asking. when I say frugal I mean very frugal. All money goes on bills mortgage and food all clothes for all o us are hand me downs.

But you're right it's not worth the big kicking off that's for sure.