Just found out Husband has been paying for prostitutes and using drugs

[lookingforlight]

Hi

I was a very regular poster on mnet when my children were younger, however have changed Username because of the extremely personal nature of this topic. Am not on here looking for legal advice, I have already instructed lawyers who are advising me.

I should start by saying this has all unravelled in the last week. Yes I have proof that is indisputable and in the face of this, my soon to be ExH (I simply refuse to address him as DH any further) has confirmed that he has been using prostitutes and drugs. I have made it clear that I intend to file for divorce and have initiated proceedings. We have 2 young daughters and fortunately my family has rallied so I have plenty of moral/ emotional support. Fortunately I also work and whilst I will have to watch the pennies, I have an independent source of income.

So why am I on here? I guess I am on here looking for a safe place to vent, some moral support and some validation that I am not doing the wrong thing by filing for divorce. I would also like some advice on how other people have handled telling friends/ colleagues / school network about this. And some advice overall on coping with divorce.

I have woken up this morning and reality of life being changed forever is starting to sink in. I looked at the faces of my daughters and thought your lives will never be the same. I know that if I said to soon to be exH, you're forgiven, let's try again he'd be back in a heartbeat. But I simply cannot forget what he has done.

So am I doing the right thing?

Yes. That is a deal breaker. I just cannot understand how men who have their own daughters can go out and exploit someone else's daughter.

He's also behaved appallingly by spending money that should have been spent on your children on this.

And he's put your health at risk. It's a no brainier, of course you are.

You OK looking?

These are very much valid reasons to divorce, many people would consider either of them grounds for a split let alone both together! However you don't need my validation :) if you have decided to divorce then the decision is correct as you don't make this choice lightly. I'm glad you have been open & confided in your family & friends, the shame is not yours.

Re school, colleagues etc just tell them you are getting divorced, they don't need to know the ins & outs.

Of course he would jump at the chance to try again, but then a year or so down the line when the fallout has blown over would he start again? Would you be constantly vigilent to signs that its returning as if you can't trust him then there can be no relationship.

Just take it one day at a time :)

Hi everyone. Sorry, I posted and then have been swamped trying to move everything along.

Thank you for the kind words. I originally posted when I was in absolute shock. The last few weeks have seen progress but without a doubt this is a hideous hideous situation. Divorce is just horrendous!

Here's what I've learnt

1. forget the person you thought you were married to and be prepared to see a person you no longer recognise
2. some men have zero guilt / morals. Men also stick together with his friends rallying despite his actions.
3. it's plain heartbreaking for the children and nothing but love and hugs will get them through this.

but hey. 3 odd weeks ago, I was taking it hour by hour. Then it changed to day by day. Now it's week by week. All of us on this forum will get through it. Eventually!

Sounds like you're doing well!
I've not really anything to say except - you're not alone. Not drugs for me, but certainly prostitutes. And I don't believe a man who has done that ever changes. So I'm glad you started on the difficult path - but getting rid straight away is actually the easier path!
Stay strong.

Using drugs and sex workers would be a real deal breaker for me. You want to set a better example to your daughters, yes it's painful but you are so obviously a strong woman you CAN guide your girls through this. Keep venting and sharing as you need to.