Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Does a step-father (common-law) have to pay any support after separation?

43 replies

mactavish · 27/07/2015 14:34

My dear friend has been with her partner for 10 years, they met through me and when they first got together I was worried it would end badly as he has a history of being the non-committal type and she was quite vulnerable after a messy divorce from her ex-husband. Well 10 years later, here we are.
She has 2 daughters, now in their teens. 5 years ago she actually sold their house and moved into rented accommodation with him out of her desperation wanting to move the relationship on a little as he wouldn't move into her house left to her by her ex-husband. Since then property prices have escalated, she can no longer afford to buy again on her own, but he now refuses to buy a place with her (told her before he would) and gives every indication he wants out of the relationship.
She earns very little as a teaching assistant (around £12k per year) but gets maintenance from her ex-husband.
He has fairly wealthy parents, no children of his own, and earns £70k per year as a pilot, buys sports cars for his own entertainment.
For the past 5 years they have lived together he has contributed half towards rent and expenses even though he earns so much more than her, meaning the money she got from the sale of her property has gradually depleted.
Her love for him and continued waiting for him along with his stringing her along and irresponsibility towards her and the girls has financially ruined her - at least that's how I see it.
My question is, seeing as they have lived together as common-law partners for 5 years (and been together for 10) does my friend have any legal right to claim a large one-off payment or continued support from him towards either her children or herself or both?
She really needs a stable roof over her and her children's heads more than anything, and some means to pay the mortgage.
Thanks in advance for your help.

OP posts:
KittensOnAPlane · 27/07/2015 14:38

based on the info from the Citizens Advice (link below) it doesnt look likely - he's not the childrens father, he didnt force her to sell her house - she made a bad decision sadly.

Hopefully someone with some actual legal qualification will come along and give the legal view, but it doesnt look likely

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Common-law spouses

Although the terms common-law wife or husband are frequently used to describe a couple who live together, these relationships do not have legal recognition.

Who has parental responsibility
You will have parental responsibility if you're:
the child's birth mother, or
the husband of the child's birth mother, or
the female married partner of the child's birth mother and you are treated as the child's legal parent, or
an adoptive parent.

millymollymoomoo · 27/07/2015 14:49

no such thing as common law husband / wife. If they are only renting I presume they don't have assets to split (ie house equity etc) in which case she would need to go via the TOLATA route rather than matrimonial law route.
As they are not married I don't think he has any obligation to help her or provide financial support to her and while I think morally I would like to assume having been in a childs life for 10 years you feel some obligation to them, legally I don't think he does.

I'm not a lawyer though, maybe pop a question onto legal thread for confirmation but in my view I don't think she is likely to get anything..

Penfold007 · 27/07/2015 15:19

OP I really am sorry your friend finds herself in this difficult position but I'm curious, why on earth should her almost ex partner pay maintenance for two children that aren't his and their father already pays maintenance?

Original poster
mactavish · 28/07/2015 22:08

Thanks very much for your time responding.
They all seem consistent and make sense.

I had come across this website and was feeling hopeful for her, however, it appears to be Canadian law - not UK law :(
rightsandremedies.blogspot.co.uk/2009/04/when-does-step-parent-have-to-pay-child.html

Oh dear. Maybe its worth posting in legal just in case (she says optimistically!)

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 28/07/2015 22:17

No such thing as common law spouse. Essentially they have no legal ties to each other; they are not married, they own no property in common, the children are not his children. They rented together and paid 50-50...they were little more than flatmates legally.

Mrsjayy · 28/07/2015 22:20

Common law isnt real legally they are not his children he has no obligation to any of them

Bubblesinthesummer · 28/07/2015 22:21

Surely she should be seeking support for the children from her ex husband? sometimes easier said than done sometimes I know

randomAXEofkindness · 28/07/2015 22:30

Bubble, she already gets child support from the children's father.

tribpot · 28/07/2015 22:35

The ex-husband pays maintenance. Of course the ex partner has no liability - he has ensured there are no joint assets and he has no responsibility towards her children. He has protected himself and his money and now she needs to learn to do the same. A hard way to learn this lesson.

kingrat · 28/07/2015 22:45

My exH pays maintenance for my DD, who is his stepdaughter, and it was court ordered as he'd always been the breadwinner and she was regarded as a 'child of the family'. Her bio father has never been involved and never paid maintenance. I think the difference from OP's friend is that we were married, as it can only be ordered through court in divorce proceedings and wouldn't have been ordered by CMS.

horsewalksintoabar · 28/07/2015 22:49

Only if he has Parental Responsibility, which you have to obtain through the courts. So, sadly, no. He is under no obligation to offer any form of further support towards step children unless he wants to.

Bubblesinthesummer · 28/07/2015 22:53

kingrat as I was rightly corrected the children's father already gives maintenance for them so it is different anyway.

Viviennemary · 28/07/2015 23:01

I don't think she is entitled to anything at all in law. He doesn't have any obligation to support these children or his partner. It seems to be difficult these days to get spousal maintenance and this couple isn't married so that won't be able to be claimed either. And if they aren't married he isn't legally a step-father. It's a shame your friend is in this vulnerable financial position but I don't think she has any claim whatsoever against this man.

expatinscotland · 28/07/2015 23:10

The sooner people educate themselves that there is no such thing as 'common law' partners/marriage and act accordingly, the better. This woman has unfortunately made very very poor financial decisions by selling her home to live with this man. She is entitled to nothing of his.

If she is in rented accommodation in her own name, she might be entitled to some housing benefit.

choli · 28/07/2015 23:38

The financial status of her partner's parents is irrelevant, as is how he chooses to spend his earnings. Living with a man for a few years does not turn him into a meal ticket.

Ragwort · 28/07/2015 23:57

Sadly your friend has made incredibly bad choices - to sell her home to move in with a guy who wasn't really committed to her Hmm ............. very, very sad.

choli · 29/07/2015 00:33

It's sad, but it's also infuriating to think of a mother gambling her family's financial future on the possibility of snagging a reluctant man.

It would be nice of him to offer help with buying a house, etc, but he cannot be expected to do so.

expatinscotland · 29/07/2015 00:34

'She really needs a stable roof over her and her children's heads more than anything, and some means to pay the mortgage.'

That is her and her ex's husband's responsibility. Her ex met that when she assumed the marital home and he continues to pay maintenance. She failed her children for a man in that respect. One option would be for the children to live with their father full time until she gets a full-time job to provide for her children.

Really hope she has learned a valuable lesson from this sad mistake.

AlpacaMyBags · 29/07/2015 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newbrummie · 29/07/2015 19:00

In some ways I can understand where she is coming from. My eldests father is very generous with child support and my subsequent children benefited from that in terms of school fees and holidays my husband and I could never have afforded. I do feel that my now ex husband should compensate my eldest in that her money was used for his kids by helping her through university. I could have been a bitch and said no L's money is for L only but mums don't work that way do they

choli · 29/07/2015 22:30

L's money SHOULD have been for L only. There is nothing bitchy about that. It should not have been used to subsidise your other kids. Both you and your exDH were in the wrong. If I were L's father I would be furious, but I am guessing he didn't know how his maintenance payments were being used.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2015 03:18

And the OP's friend was never married to her boyfriend. She sold a house meant to provide a stable roof over her kids' heads to keep a man.

KittensOnAPlane · 30/07/2015 08:56

" I do feel that my now ex husband should compensate my eldest in that her money was used for his kids by helping her through university. "

so is ex-H H number 2? I'm totally confused, were exH2s children older?

KittensOnAPlane · 30/07/2015 09:05

and this

" been with her partner for 10 years, they met through me and when they first got together I was worried it would end badly as he has a history of being the non-committal type and she was quite vulnerable after a messy divorce from her ex-husband. Well 10 years later, here we are."

hardly non-committal to be with her for 10 years, and quite frankly to hold on to 'being vulnerable after a messy divorce' makes me think of that well known saying "get off the cross honey, someone needs the wood!"

TheClacksAreDown · 30/07/2015 09:10

She is entitled to nothing in these circumstances. I can see why she may feel hard done by but I'm afraid this is the result of the choices she has made. Now she needs to work out how to make the best of it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread