The next step...

[gutted1]

Hello there, I have previously posted about my relationship breakdown and it has now got to the point of no return. The thread was called 'lies lies lies' if anyone wants the background.
We talked yesterday about how/what to tell the children. We have 2 children dd 19 from previous relationship and ds 12 together. We have a joint mortgage on our home. My husband has said that he will give me a lump sum for a deposit to move out and buy somewhere else. I think I will find it hard to get somewhere suitable with 3 beds so I can still provide my children with s home. I earn £38000. He says dd is an adult now, which she is but still lives at home, and he's not 'going to set me up in a 3 bed house'. He says that he will keep our house and continue living there. He earns between £50000- £250000 depending on commission. 2013-2014 was the high end of this. We plan to share parenting with ds and I agree to this as I think this is what our don will want and is fair. He says that if I don't agree with him then the house will be sold and he will pay off debts and make any money evaporate in debts and I and the children will be worse off.
We had planned to tell the children this weekend but because I didn't agree to his plan we couldn't as they need to be secure in what's going to happen. I think I need to go and get some advice to see what I am entitled too and what seems reasonable as I have no idea. I don't want things to get horrible and I'm certainly not out to be greedy but i just want to be able to give my children a home with a bedroom each too. I just want find kind of security for the future.
Any advice/experience would've greatly appreciated.
Thanks x

[lifebeginsat42]

Hi gutted,

Sorry to hear all this. You sound as if you're having a tough time .

It sounds to me as if he's calling all the shots and telling you what's going to happen and that's making you feel weak and vulnerable. You need to decide what YOU want. Do you have much equity in your family home? Do you know what debts you have? I know it is hard but you need to find out some facts and take some control back. Knowing exactly where you stand will help you to feel stronger and more able to deal with this. You earn a good salary and he is going to have to pay CM to support his son. You also need to find out about things like pensions as you have a claim to these too and they can be worth a lot of money.

Find out some facts and then go and see a good solicitor and ask them what they think. I certainly wouldn't agree to any of his demands until I had done this.

Be strong. Good luck!!

[midnightvelvetPart2]

He's trying to get you to agree to his plan which will be beneficial to him & disadvantageous to you. He cannot highhandedly tell you what will happen to your marital home & decide to give you some of a lump sum of a figure that he has decided is appropriate. He can fuck off with that.

Go & see a solicitor (he doesn't need to know). Don't let him scare you, you most certainly are not being grabby or greedy & you are entitled to half of the joint assets, he cannot simply dictate that the house is sold & where the proceeds go!

Keep stalling him by saying you are thinking about it & get some proper legal advice & start the divorce proceedings yourself. I haven't seen your earlier thread but you sound grounded enough to have the strength to see this through but stop letting him chip away at you & your knowledge of what's right :)