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Divorce/separation

The divorce experience why is it so "brutal"

33 replies

Sweetsecret · 10/07/2015 12:44

I have been reading in other post at how brutal divorce can be, even when it has started being amicable. Would anyone be willing to share your experiences (obviously if it isn't too difficult) I have been seperated for three months, and although I am not ready make that leap yet, I just want to know what sort of things can crop up that can make it go from being amicable to being brutal. we have 2 DC'S, don't own a property (thankgod).
I just don't know what to expect and I am bit scared but would rather know what I am in for if that makes sense? Thanks everyone.Thanks

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 12/07/2015 22:35

My advice to you my love would be to jump on the finances while he's still being reasonable. Suggest the use of a mediator because they can draw up a financial settlement which can then be dealt with via a "mention" at court and turned into a consent order. As long as you are both happy, the courts are not likely to intervene. Tell you ex that you think it's time to get it sorted, you're going to need some help to do it, hence mediator, it also hugely cheaper than solicitors. I really wish I had done this from the off, the difference being that my husband and his OW didn't think I'd wake up and fight back..and hence that's why we are where we are now, sadly. I only went via the courts because my husband had absolutely no intention of co-operating with the mediation process and had no understanding of it. He didn't like the reality. Also, if you have access to any financial papers now, get them...copy them, insurances, mortgage statements, bank/credit card statements, any share certificates, anything, absolutely anything you can get your hands on. I know I sound cynical, it's because I am. I sincerely hope that you don't face a similar battle Flowers.

Sweetsecret · 12/07/2015 22:46

thanks formidable Luckily when he left, he left without anything so I have all documents here. I will get on it ASAP, Thankyou for your advice, I really do appreciate it. it is such a minefield and was quite scared to do all this alone, but I need to grow some balls and get on with it. Thankyou. Thanks

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 12/07/2015 23:34

If there's anything I can do, there's always PM...! Wink

Sweetsecret · 13/07/2015 09:44

Thankyou so much, that's so kind of you.Thanks

OP posts:
Spero · 13/07/2015 13:22

The man I fell in love with didn't exist

So sorry. But I think that hits the nail on the head. And it explains why so many of these cases go so wrong - because we spend a lot of time in shock and denial - but I thought you loved me/the children!

Its horrible to find out they don't and they never did.

Newbrummie · 13/07/2015 14:49

Strike whilst the iron is hot, I ignores this advice and am paying the price literally

giroux · 21/07/2015 02:51

Another one here who found that Mr Reasonable had left the building...We live in another country which is not quite as kind as the UK in the divorce arena. As a result, he sometimes pays child support and little can really be done about it when he doesn't.

Further, i gave up ALL other financial claims just so that i could have full custody of the kids. He lives 6 hours away in this country...so joint custody was unfeasible but he and OW fought me on it anyway.

And the other awful thing is how disappointing the in-laws can be. They seem to re-write history and 'look the other way' so that they don't have to acknowledge the monster their son has become...Prepare yourself for that.

Sorry to be a bringer of doom.

The good news is that you never have to have him in your bed again :)

thatsnotmynamereally · 22/07/2015 07:51

Wow mrsC! And others, thanks for sharing, it does seem a ridiculous system but well done to everyone who's come out the other side.

Good luck sweet, have you decided what you're going to do?

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