In despair and need advise

[Blossom76]

Hi, I am new to this site and hoped there was somebody out there that could help. I am married with 2 daughters, 10 & 9. I have been married for 10 years, together for 13 years.

My marriage had never been particularly happy. My husband has been abusive, both physically and mentally and put me through hell. He sought help 4 years ago, and whilst the violence has stopped the mental side has continued. We are very rarely intimate, which I a huge problem.

I have been unfaithful in the past, never sexually, it's always more of an emotional fling, whereby it makes me feel good and a boost that I need to my non existent self esteem. I should have left the marriage years ago, but have never had the courage to do so. I also want to protect my daughters, who love their dad.

I have been seeing a man a lot older than me (by 28 years), we have visited art galleries and had lunch, nothing more. There had been suggestive talk. I know it's not right to go this, however it gives me a boost and almost a light at the end of the tunnel, whereby my miserable marriage is almost tolerable. My husband found out, the other man has run a mile and now I feel very alone.

My head is telling me to get out if the marriage with a fresh start, which I know is not going to be easy, but I am just so unhappy. I have had my personality ripped away from me, I am constantly walking in egg shells, scared. The scars from the abuse have taken their toll, I am vulnerable and very sad. I come off anti depressants in October which have bought my emotions to a head. I run my own business, my husband is away a lot and I am on my knees with emotion and hurt.

The my man friend has run for the hills, I knew it would never go anywhere, but just felt emotionally stronger with him around. The boost I needed.

My husband says he wants to make this work, but I feel trapped in a marriage that I just do not want to be in. He tells me to put my daughters first, but the thought of spend spending anymore time in this marriage is slowly killing me.

Any advise greatly appreciated.