General advice on maintenance payments and visiting rights...

[Tittybiscuit]

Hi All, I'm new to the forum, so hope I have put this in the correct place.

My sons dad and I separated about 7 years ago. We have always had an amicable relationship until recently.
My son and I moved from the area we were living to a new area 40 miles away in August 2013. We had the full support of my ex at this time.
At this point, it was agreed that dad would start making payments directly to me for the 'maintenance' of our son. This was a voluntary, verbal agreement of a minimal amount due to ex working part time and being in receipt of benefits (prior to making payments to me, he agreed that he would pay for DS school dinners each week, direct to the school).
It was agreed before the move that the ex would continue to visit his son as and when he could (again, due to the fact he didn't have a lot of disposable income for fuel expenses etc). As I still have family in the area, this journey was often made by me, or we would agree to 'halfway' meeting spot, to help keep the costs for him down.
It was also agreed that due to me working full time, the ex would have DS for part of the school holidays throughout the year.

Over the past year or so, when spending time at dads, my son has made calls to me/texts asking if/when he can come home. I have tried to be quite reasonable during these times, as although I would love him to come home, I know its important to have a relationship with his dad (and his wife and other children) and I work full time, so its not always as simple and so have to say no him.

However, over the last couple of times he's been, when he's returned he's expressed that he doesn't like it there and 'does he have to go?' in the next holidays. I have spoken to him about why and the importance of seeing his dad, but he just seems to get more withdrawn and 'resigned' to the fact. When pushed he has said that he doesn't spend any time with his dad and he would like him to do something 'just the two of them' more often. After this happen for a third time since the Xmas holidays, I text his dad to say that our son had asked whether 'he had to go in the next holidays'. No response. I sent another saying that I thought he ought to know and did he want to speak to him? again, no response.

So, for the Easter holidays, I arranged that my sister would collect him, he would stay at hers for 2 nights and go to dads for the remaining 5 nights. No response from dad when told.

Since then, dad has been to Child Maintenance Service to organise payments to me (I should point out that in Jan 2014 and Jan 2015, I did ask him to increase payments to me by £5 each week - to which he refused). This has now been set up and put in place (with dad refusing to make any payments due via our verbal agreement, as he is now making payments via CMS). These are not due to start until mid-May and so we have no maintenance money coming into the household. I have tried to reason with him and appeal to his better nature, but the responses (if I have been lucky enough to get warrant a response) has been to ask if I can conduct all correspondence via email as he has instructed a solicitor (!) for visitation rights.

So... (sorry for the long winded explanation) but I am stuck. The relationship has broken down to a point where my calls are not being answered, texts are not being answered and I am at a loss as to what this means for us. The only information I have from him is that he wants something 'rubber stamped' so that everyone knows where they are and that my family don't encroach on 'his time' with our son.

Has anyone had any dealing with solicitors/family courts regarding visiting rights? What is involved? Will they speak to our son? Will he be given an opportunity to express what he wants? Should I be looking at trying to find a solicitor?

Thank you for any help in advance :)

In October 2014 my Ex moved his girlfriend and her son into his home. The CMS (Child Maintenance Service) administer the Maintenance but my Ex pays me directly. Last week the CMS wrote to me and informed me my payments had changed because of a resident other child. They not only reduced the payments by £600 p/a they back dated the reduction to October last year. The other child is supported by his mother who has a well paid job and I presume the child's father also supports him and now my ex supports this as well. I live alone. I have appealed this decision but the CMS tell me it is their policy. I feel the CMS have let my children down. Is anyone else in this position?

If your son is an adolescent it could be he is reaching a stage when spending time with a parent isn't cool?

In a nutshell the law when both parents have Parental Responsibility is they have equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities. That means important issues such as where a child lives and when they have contact needs to be agreed. When no agreement can be reached either parent may apply to court for a ruling.

However in most cases before the court can hear the case the applicant must attend a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting to find out about mediation and whether it is appropriate. So you should be invited to a meeting which would give you the opportunity to resolve the dispute with the help of a mediator before going to court. An alternative to dispute resolution is a solicitor negotiating on your behalf.

If the matter progresses to court and there is still no agreement the judge will decide what further information is required to assist him/her make a decision in the form of reports and sets a timetable for future hearings. When there are concerns about children's welfare a welfare report may be carried out and/or a report to establish the children's needs, wishes and feelings.

Ultimately if the judge makes a decision they must give regard the Welfare Checklist in s1 Children Act 1989 including the children's wishes according to their age and maturity, the background and the child's welfare is the paramount concern. Young children aren't mature enough to understand the implications of a decision and more weight is given to the views of older children.

Generally maintaining contact and a relationship with both natural parents is deemed to be in the best interests of children. PR means parents have a duty to facilitate contact with the other parent even if that involves persuasion or coercion.

You may find it helpful reading this;

www.judiciary.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/JCO/Documents/Protocols/pd-what-the-family-cts-expect-from-parents.pdf

SamSam, unfortunately the statutory child maintenance scheme is a blunt instrument. CMS staff implement the rules and regulations set by Parliament and they have no discretion about this matter.

It truely is unbelievable Sam I hope my ex doesn't cotton to it I truely do he's dating a single mum with 4 children that would be mine utterly fucked.