should we separate and how do I stand if I move out?

[Aprilshowers2]

I am thinking of separating from DH after 30 years. I often feel lonely in my marriage as we don't have much in common. Dh doesn't want us to separate and this has held me back for some years from doing anything about it. We have 2 grown up DCs and I don't want to hurt them. But I have always had doubts and during our marriage I have had 1 affair which DH knows about and forgave me and one emotional affair which he doesn't know about. I am not proud of either but know I was looking for something I don't get from him.

I'd like to separate for a while to see how I feel because I don't feel it's right that I am still not 'settled' after all this time, but don't know if he'd agree. If he does, how do I stand legally if I were to move out? We own our home and the mortgage is paid. I also don't have regular employment. I am self employed but do my own accounts for tax, so no proof of earnings,and only have savings - quite a lot- to live on if I move out.

Please don't flame me as I am looking for practical advice.

I would assume that the house would be sold a divided 50/50 or one of you would buy the other one out.
As for a new morgage to find somewhere to live you can still apply as self employed. I can't think of the name of the form off the top my head but you apply to HMRC for a this form for the last 3 years and it shows how much you declared to have earned and they use that. Also most mortgages only can be taken up to retirement age however if this is to costly per month and can prove you have a pension that will pay out monthly they can look to extend it for another 10 years.
Good luck and I hope what ever you decide your happy x

Thanks for being supportive crystal.
I was wondering if by moving out to rent I'd be less likely to get a 50-50 settlement if it came to divorce, as I was the one who'd left our home.

I couldn't afford to buy DH out. I'd not be able to afford the upkeep of it on my earnings. I could possibly stay if I was to forgo all my half of his pension (final salary and very good) but then I'd have no money to live on except the state pension (in a few years- I am 60) and that wouldn't cover the outgoings of the house.

I have also been told by other people that I might find it hard to rent in the short term because although I have considerable savings in my own name, I earn very little now as I work p/t ( not more than £15K) and am s/e.

Would a landlord look on that favourably because I've heard they won't rent to people who can't show proof of regular income. The option of course would be for DH to rent, or to fund my renting, until we had sorted everything further down the line.

You would be able to rent a six month tenancy if you pay the whole rent plus deposit in advance. This is what my mum does as she only has a small income but lots of savings. Divorce settlements do not take who-did-what into account.

Purple with red I was also just about to say that divorces don't look on who's 'at fault' it based on things like I've young children are involved or if the house has been change for a disability etc x

I just wanted to add something. Your husband doesn't have to agree to a separation. You can leave without his permission. Good luck.