Hello, this is my first post so please bear with me if it is long and rambley.
I have been married for 5 years and have one child. I have been very unhappy for 3 years. My husband has been very unreasonable and has threatened me a couple of times (although I have never reported this) however, this past behaviour is making me very anxious.
I have tried many times to tell my husband how unhappy I am, I have asked him to come counselling and he would just make out it was all my problem and would say if you're not happy then 'f off. He said if I left he would make sure he got custody of our child.
I hung on hoping he would change and he did improve a bit but I wasn't happy. A year ago I decided I had enough and was set to leave when a day later my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. So that put my leaving plans on the back burner.
My mother died 3 months ago. Alot of his unreasonableness was directed at my mother ie not letting her stay at our house, refusing to speak to her, writing her an 8 page letter saying how angry he was with her. Now she has died he is being nice to me, but it is too late. I tried to see if my feelings changed towards him but they hadn't.
I do want to separate but I am so worried. He has said in the past that he is building evidence that I am a bad parent. He says he has more chance of getting custody because his mother can help can for our child and I have noone to help me. I know he won't leave the house and stupidly I am tied into a long mortgage.
I just don't know what to do or where to get advice. He is impossible to talk to. I don't want to run away. I want to do everything fairly, he is a very father.