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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce and confidentiality

16 replies

Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 08:24

My STBX has declared in his Form E that he will be quitting his job and then in the future getting one that doesn't pay as much.

As our children are at fee paying schools I am concerned about his ability to continue paying and emailed him and copied in the schools outlying my concerns.

STBX has now replied that the divorce process is 'strictly confidential' and I have broken confidentiality.

Is this true?

BTW STBX is abusive and controlling.

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 11/03/2015 08:26

I don't know whether there's any rule or law involved, but I do think you were a bit hasty to inform the schools - what do you think they'd do with the information?

In a nasty divorce you have to be squeaky clean. If STBX is being abusive and controlling make sure all your communication about the divorce is via a solicitor and strictly factual.

llamallamaredpyjama · 11/03/2015 08:30

You copied in the school!?

The school won't care where the money comes from. It's a business. I'm not being crass, I'm sure they care for your dc and will be supportive but they will certainly not .want to become involved in divorce issues.

Agree with good advice from pp.

Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 08:41

I copied in the school because STBX said he couldn't pay the fees and the school requires a full terms notice.

One of my DC is in year 9 so will have to move ASAP.

I am sure that this is just a threat from DH but need to know...

Is the divorce process confidential? I thought not especially where the DC and there welfare is concerned.

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Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 08:43

Llama - if he does reduce his income I am not able to make up the difference and the school fees won't be able to be paid.

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Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 11:06

*their

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Pinkballoon · 11/03/2015 14:32

I think it is only an issue if you send anything relating to the court case to another (outside) party. I think! If you go on the court website, there is a section on this. Though how strictly this is policed, I don't know. Did you reference the court case number etc when you contacted the school?

I think the court have probably seen the 'job change/ salary change just before the form E submission' game before. Sadly.

Unexpected · 11/03/2015 15:00

I don't know about the confidentiality of the divorce proceedings but I do think that you have unfortunately played into his hands by copying the schools in at this point. There is nothing they can do with this information - you haven't given notice, you haven't even directly told them you will be giving them notice. If you wanted to make them aware that there may be problems with the fees in future, you should probably have done that in a phone call or email direct to the schools.

Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 16:31

There is no court case (as yet) regarding financial settlement. A 'voluntary disclosure' was made using the Form E as a template.

The Decree Nisi is being heard in the family court soon.

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babybarrister · 11/03/2015 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 20:24

I called my solicitor as soon as I got STBX's email this morning but he has been in court all day today. He is aware that I 'replied all' to STBX's original email in which STBX had written directly to me and he himself copied the school in.

Mumsnet was my 2nd port of call for reassurance.

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SugarOnTop · 11/03/2015 20:30

if he does reduce his income I am not able to make up the difference and the school fees won't be able to be paid

well if that looks likely then you need to start looking for non-fee paying schools to send them to. Start scouting out those you like with spaces now.

Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 20:52

STBX won't discuss schooling with me at all; we don 't discuss anything, all communication is through email.

We are in a rural location and all schools are a drive away. Currently DC in Y9 has already chosen options and finding a state school that can offer that particular combination is going to be really hard/ unlikely.

The good schools in the area are all over 10 miles away in different directions and are all oversubscribed.

This is a shit situation made shittier by STBX's continuing financial abuse.

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Pannacotta · 11/03/2015 21:00

He is making the threat to unsettle you, it is quite a common threat I gather.
I wouldn't take it to heart.
And if he does leave his job then let him organise new schooling....

YNK · 11/03/2015 21:14

What can he do to you for 'breaking confidentiality'?

Send you a strongly worded solicitors letter? Shock

Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 11/03/2015 21:27

Well I guess he can't sue me for contempt of court because he wasn't compelled by court to supply the information. It was a voluntary disclosure as suggested by his own solicitor.

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Original poster
Gibbsbasement · 12/03/2015 16:55

I have heard back from my solicitor.

Who basically said: And? What's he gonna do about it?

I think my solicitor is getting quite fed up with STBX's shenanigans. I know I am!

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