Torrid time re access. Help greatly appreciated.

[Homely1]

My husband and I separated and he has been pretty pathetic over seeing / contacting our DC. Yet claims that he wants to. DC is very young and cries without me. He has spent a period of time absent. Now he is saying that I am not keen for contact alone (I've tried it before but what I suggested in DC best interest was not what he felt worked for him).

He says that I'm reluctant for them to spend time alone and has outlined other things which quite frankly are lies (he is a pathological liar).

I'm scared. I feel that I am always doing things to show willing bit he changes goalposts. He's in. Then gone and unresponsive. How is it fair to be in and out of DC life yet his behaviour has no bearing upon his rights to access?

I do not know how to respond to him. He has given me a lot of stress duration our separation. During his disappearance, DC developed routine and is happy. What do I do? Life is just so terrible with all this going on.

Don't contact him yourself, go through your solicitor. If you don't have a solicitor get one. Stick to the facts.

It's your DCs rights that matter here, and he has the right to a decent father i.e. regular predictable contact. Establish what you think is reasonable, given DCs age, and stick to your guns. If he doesn't turn up for contact then he's the bad one.

One of the tough things about separating is that the other parties parenting style is no longer your business. So long as the children aren't at risk, being neglected or cruelly treated there is nothing you can do. He doesn't have to 'change his goalposts'.

Perhaps you would be better going to mediation and court approved contact. Then if he fails to turn up or engage with his children you can take it further.

It is tough and I do understand how frustrating it is for you.

He has even said that he suggested getting back together yet I showed no interest. That did not happen! More of an interest to him is that he wants to take DC to see his family. I'm sure they have been in his ear. DC is little- cant stand the thought of DC being whisked off to these truly awful ppl.