Divorce judgment unfair on high earning women who give it up for kids?

[tapenade70]

Interested in others' views on whether the judgment is fair on women who were high earners pre kids and give it up to allow OH to be a high earner? I was a high earning lawyer on six figure salary on the brink of earning several hundred thousand a year as a partner in a law firm. (OH is a partner already earning silly money). OH and i agreed to have a baby. No time to wait till i was a partner before doing that as i was 36. Got pregnant and had our baby and now SAHM. There is agreement between OH and i that we wanted our baby to at least have a mum at home part time if not full time certainly when young as long as i wanted to and that we didnt want the baby to never see either of us. So i am the one making that career sacrifice while OH earns a seven figure salary which he would never be able to do being at home with a baby at all. If we get divorced potentially i have allowed OH to accrue his fortune by my agreement to stay at home and foregone my own chance at that career. It is not at all likely i can get back to my previous position in a few years because that kind of job demands working till midnight (unless OH retires and we swap roles) plus i have now lost all my clients (ie sales contacts which earn you the money). So shouldnt an ex wife in that position be entitled to a monthly payment from the amount she has helped her OH accrue? All those years staying at home to allow family life OH wants with no pension no savings and loss of career opportunity? I do see the other 'get a job' side of the coin especially when kids are older but where both parents are agreed on the wife's career sacrifice, the judgment seems a bit unfair...

Personally I wouldn't give up my job because I like working BUT there is definitely something in it if a couple agree that one is going to sacrifice earning potential as it's what they think best as a family etc. Plus of course it frees the other up to really focus on career if they don't have to do any school runs, can travel etc.

In that situation I would be looking to get something signed I think to say X in event of divorce and I know it's not legally binding but it might help.

At the moment it is usually the woman giving up / losing earning potential but this is starting to change so really I would say this whichever way around it was.

owltrotter you have not thought that through at all - it is madness.

How long should the high salary be split for? until death? what about the low salary? should that also be split? what about multiple divorcees?

Spousal maintenance as unfair, divisive and outdated. The time to split assets is at divorce so BOTH parties can move forward with their lives without a ridiculous millstone around their necks.

I know quite a few couples where both are partners at city law firms, big 4 accounting firms etc. They have loads of childcare and other help. So it is not right to say that the 7 figure salary is "only" possible because of OP's sacrifice.

Whether it is best for the family for both to work like that is another matter, and will depend on the people involved. I do think it is pretty sad, though, that in a family where one earns 7 figures (which seems to be OP's position), the view is that it is madness for the other to give up their job (even if they want to). I do like the idea of a pre-natal agreement to deal with it.

I am a much higher earner than my DH. Although he is well qualified, he has had jobs with more regular hours which makes life easier (and in fact he is currently a SAHP). I have made sure that he has a decent pension pot, assets in his name etc and if something did go wrong between us would want to be fair. However, if he started arguing that because he once worked at Deloittes he could have been earning millions as a partner by now that would annoy me. The reality is that he does not particularly like having lots of pressure and responsibility in his job and prefers to have regular hours. he would never have been interested in being a partner and suspect would acknowledge he was never on track. I would also be annoyed if he said my earnings are "only" possible because of him. I have not missed a parents evening because I want to be there anyway. I buy the school uniform etc. Unless he has a personality change, he would acknowledge this (and I would acknowledge that the fact that he prefers to have a less pressurised job has made it a bit easier for me and been cheaper from a childcare perspective and also is much nicer for the children to always have at least one parent there in the evenings rather than a nanny).

school uniform admin

I know - that made me laugh too Koala

The phrase "to make family life enjoyable" really translates as "so he doesn't have to make any changes at all".

There is no actual proof that SAHM are best for children, and it insults SAHDs as somehow being "less competent" to be a parent.

Also, it assumes all women are good with babies and small children - they aren't. I wasn't any good with a toddler, how I hated the toddler stage, how much better the nursery staff were at singing "the wheels on the bus" 30000 times a day.

Also, you mess up your pension. DH and I both have pensions and when we retire we will have more money to live off than any of our friends that we know of (who are SAHM or returned to work on crappy pay mums).

If you divorce you will be vulnerable, but, as a couple you need to think about staying together - with me working our retirement income will be over double what DH would get on his own - that will make a big difference especially taking into account the fact we will be likely to live 25 years in retirement.

And if you don't have your own pension and your DH dies? Does he has a spouse's pension or life insurance? It isn't just divorce that can make you poor. You are likely to outlive him.

It's a wonder anyone can get anything done, with all this bloody school uniform admin SirChenjin

I know Koala. I really must give up my job to better focus on my school uniform admin - my children have been deprived for too long with me working outside of the home