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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How do I leave my moody, angry husband?

3 replies

Chazdev · 06/03/2015 18:40

Hi everyone, apologies in advance, I am a bit emotional right now as have had yet another unpleasant encounter with my husband. This time, we were stuck in traffic heading home with an ill child. My 2 year old crying terribly as not very well and suddenly suck everywhere. I jump out the car to his side to get him out and comfort him, the whole time my husband in my ear giving me grief! No thought to his sick child!! I just wanted to scream but couldn't because I wanted to make sure my baby was ok.
He has been violent in the past, but mainly is verbally abusive. We argue all the time over the littlest thing and that sets him off into loads of abuse. We try to contain it in front of our child, bit to be honest that's why I want out. Because I know no matter how much we thing think he's sheltered, in the end it's an unhappy home.
The issue I have is we are both in the military. He's just back from 4 months away and it's been bliss. Don't get me wrong - working full time, with a 2 year old and a dog, up at 5am every morning is hard work. But it was peaceful...and happy! But now he's home we are all miserable, walking on egg shells and uncomfortable. Our mortgage is joint and I am due to go away in wig for 4 months. I don't know what to do. I know I need to rely on him to be a dad and take over while I'm away. This will mean that he needs to stay at home with our child. How do I make a clean (ish) break? I feel totally trapped. I have no family around either which adds to the isolation I feel. If anyone has any advice if greatly appreciate it. Sorry for the huge rant.Confused

OP posts:
Chazdev · 06/03/2015 18:42

*august

OP posts:
Darcey2105 · 08/03/2015 09:54

Oh dear, he sounds just like my horrific husband who's also in the military! He too shouts at me when I'm trying to deal with a sick child. I also have no one to support me and that's made it really hard.

One thing I did recently was call the police when he pushed me. It wasn't really that bad an attack as I didn't fall over and I didn't have any bruises but they actually arrested him anyway, now I've been reporting other things to the police too.

The main reason I called the police was a cry for help

Darcey2105 · 08/03/2015 10:04

That meant I got put in touch with women's aid etc, which was more helpful than just phoning their helpline.

The other thing I did was seeing a solicitor. I didn't really have that as a priority, but it was so amazing, as I realised I had the power to end the marriage. And because we are married I'm entitled to my share of the assets of the marriage even though I'm not working at the moment.

The reason I came on this board is that I couldn't believe that ending my horrific marriage could be as simple as just getting a solicitor to write a letter to him.

I know there will be hardships to deal with along the way (and I haven't even written the letter yet) but all the crazy plans I concocted over the years, I didn't realise it could be this simple.

With your childcare issue, it would be good to talk to a solicitor about the whole situation. Apparently they always recommend joint custody anyway, so that could be an easy way to work it out.

Oh yes, the other good thing of phoning the police was they put me in touch with victim support which is an actual person to meet me and support me, as I have no one I'm close to where I live.

Good luck with everything and keep posting xx

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