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Divorce/separation

i really need you support right now please

3 replies

bella1968 · 02/03/2015 11:08

I have messaged before but have 11 1/2 year old twins. Separated June 2014 through an occupation order which was replaced with an undertaking. Stbxh has returned for 1 week but left again so not living with us. He is fighting me in court for the children as he thinks I can't look after them and am mentally ill because I'm on anti depressants (because of his behaviour since 2011!).

We have to go for our appointment at CAFCASS offices Tuesday and both children will day they want to live with both of us. Up until week ago Dd strongly said she didn't want to live with dad but since we knew the date of the mtg then stbxh has been really nice to her so now she's changed her mind!

I'm so scared that CAFCASS will recommend they live with their father. He's been working on them by flagging me off and making them think I don't help them and indirectly making them think I'm no good.

Does anyone have anything to say to make me feel better as I'm at the lowest I've ever been

We were in court Friday for the occupation order but have to go back for a final hearing at the end of the month. Then the cap at the end of April.

Thanks

OP posts:
MrsGherkin · 02/03/2015 12:35

If you can, talk to your solicitor. Talk to your GP re below.

Meanwhile, what I'd also do is this: Get together a list of all the good stuff you do and have done as a parent. If you're the main carer they'll be loads of good things you can mention. Are you the main meal preparer, or do you take kids to clubs, do any artwork, read them stories, do you do any paid work that can be used as evidence of wanting to provide extra for your family too. Who can vouch for you, friends, teachers or day carers, get some testimonials perhaps?

THEN you need counter arguments, have the stuff from your GP ready: dates and time of appts for medication, did you tell your GP why you were depressed? Have information about what you may have been doing to get well, any fitness you're doing, seeing a councillor etc.

Get a file together of any emails or texts of things he's done to make you unhappy. Have clear notes about it all organised.

They may not look at this file, but getting it together gives you confidence something to say, dates, and provides ammunition or you to fight your corner. You need to show you're a decent parent and why you've been on anti-depressants. Agencies want to see a together woman who's doing a good job as a parent. Be prepared. Don't buckle under his accusations. As long as your kids know you love them and are always there for them and that they can see their Dad as much as he and they like, you'll sound reasonable, together and capable.

Good luck

postlady11 · 08/03/2015 20:15

Can't offer any advice but just wanted to send you a big hug and say good luck, i'm sure they will be able to see through him and see all the good you do be strong and remember what amazing mothers we all are. Sometimes we forget as it's just natural to us. Lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Darcey2105 · 09/03/2015 13:21

Just posting to offer my support and say well done so far. The main thing is you got him out of your house. And I'm sure the fact he's not been living there for a year will make your case stronger. As I've heard they don't like to disrupt the status quo.

I'm at the trying to get abusive husband out of the house stage at the moment, so the fact you've done it already is a big step not to overlook.

And surely he must have done something bad to have got ordered out in the first place. Can you make a big deal of that side of things? Have you got a solicitor who is helping?
All the advice given above sounds brilliant. Wishing you lots of luck with it all xxx

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