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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Advice from anyone that has separated and moved abroad taking children with them

26 replies

Happiness43 · 22/02/2015 13:08

Hi I am keen to hear from anyone that has successfully, or unsuccessfully moved abroad, specifically long haul destinations, with their children after separating from the father.

Thank you

OP posts:
caroldecker · 22/02/2015 13:25

You may stuggle as the father can stop you moving abroad

Original poster
Happiness43 · 22/02/2015 13:50

Hi caroldecker,

Yes I fully expect him to try. This is why I'm hoping to hear from anyone who has been through it so that I can collate all the information before I start the ball rolling. I thought it might be useful to hear from others that have attempted it, whether they succeeded or not.

Many thanks

OP posts:
knightofswords · 22/02/2015 13:57

Hi OP, the first thing you need to know about is the Hague Convention. Search for Expat Stuck Mums on facebook, where unfortunately people know all about this kind of situation. Then you need expert legal advice, there is no substitute for it.

babybarrister · 22/02/2015 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Happiness43 · 22/02/2015 14:31

Thankyou baby barrister I will do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happiness43 · 22/02/2015 14:34

Thankyou knight of swords. This looks to be for people trying to return to their home country. I am British, looking to relocate to long haul destination. Do you know of a FB page relevant to this?

Many thanks

OP posts:
knightofswords · 22/02/2015 19:30

No, I don't I'm afraid. But you will need the father's permission, he can take you to court to stop you and they will decide what's in the child's best interests.

Patchworkpatty · 24/02/2015 16:41

My dh is currently opposing an application for his Ex wife to try and move abroad with their children. As long as the other parent (the one that isn't planning to move with the children has PR then the parent that wants to move must have either the other parents written consent or obtained permission to move overseas from the family court. It is up to the parent who wants to move to make the application, incurring court costs , and if they so choose , employ legal representation. these cases are very expensive. The judge will want exceptional reasons as to why it would be in the children's best interests to be denied a regular staying contact with their other parent especially if there is already a regular pattern of contact established. The excuse that is often given 'that the mother will be upset if she cannot live with her dh and that her mental health might deteriorate and thus affect her patenting, - did not wash with the court as they were in a relationship long before he decided to move overseas 5 yrs ago and seem to have managed pretty well in all that time.We have had three hearings so far and have self represented, the Judge has told his Ex to jump through so many hoops (he wants school places confirmed -welfare reports on each child in cluding a educational psychologists report) but has also told her 'not to hold her breadth' as he is 'yet to be convinced that this move is in anyone's interest but her own'. The move proposed is to a non Hague convention country and therefore is being heard in the High Court. I guess her bill so far must be at least 20k .

Original poster
Happiness43 · 24/02/2015 17:04

That's very helpful thank you.

OP posts:
ObsidianEagle · 25/02/2015 16:32

dont do what my dh's ex did and let your child tell him two weeks before you plan to move that you're going, have the common decency to ask permission and tell him yourself.

Original poster
Happiness43 · 25/02/2015 18:34

I am in a very difficult situation. It's not a situation I expected and want to do everything correctly so yes of course. We may not be together any more but he will always be my sons father.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happiness43 · 25/02/2015 21:21

Patchworkpattie, can you tell me over what timescale this has all taken place and also what age the children are? Do you know if their age has any relevance?

Thanks

OP posts:
babybarrister · 25/02/2015 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittensinmydinner · 27/02/2015 21:46

Of course, sorry for slow reply. Live very rural and no internet for 3days. ?? . Application made in October 14. Directions hearing December. Further hearing jan 5th and Feb 20th .. Think its final hearing and decision May.

kittensinmydinner · 27/02/2015 21:48

Discs are 11 twins and 15 yrs. (special needs)

Original poster
Happiness43 · 28/02/2015 07:33

Thanks everyone for all your advice and thoughts. This is such a hard decision. Do any of you feel that the process has affected the children in a negative way?

OP posts:
kittensinmydinner · 28/02/2015 08:32

It's very difficult. In some ways my DH is worried that by opposing the move he could be denying his Dcs the opportunity of a lifetime, in experiencing living in another culture. However this is completely outweighed by unavailability of any special needs education in destination country and the destruction of his relationship with the children. Both parents are born and bred Brits, therefore the mother is not returning to 'home ' country.

Original poster
Happiness43 · 28/02/2015 08:54

My son is 6. America would be our destination. If we were talking about just moving within the Uk it would mean a better life for us both, hands down. A propper family unit for my son. The opportunity for him to have a brother or sister. The list goes on but because it is America what weighs on me very heavily is the guilt of what it would do to his father.... I'm not a nasty person. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hate me, which he will. Even if this goes in his favour and we have to stay...the damage will be done. This is quite simply the hardest decision of my life.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 28/02/2015 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Happiness43 · 28/02/2015 11:35

Thank you BB this might be the way to go rather than straight to court. Smile

OP posts:
worridmum · 03/03/2015 19:21

Just be prepared if you do win to pay the majority of the costs asoicated with contact and also be prepared for not have your son for long peroids of time thing along the lines of the entire summer holidays etc

(this is based on my Brothers case where his EX wanted to move to new zeland she "won" but has to pay for the airfair back to the UK mutliply times a year he has his kids 6 weeks in the summer (in one block) and the majorty of the other holidays. so please factor in the possible costs of said transport with your move) as apprently his EX wife is complaining that its costing her nearly 15,000 pounds a year to send all 5 children back to the UK for the court ordered visitation)

And i think her court costs were 40,000 pounds and was deined costs (as apprently she though she could reclaim costs of this court back from my brother)

Original poster
Happiness43 · 03/03/2015 19:58

Thank you worried mum. In fact this is very useful. Given the pain I know this move will cause my sons father I think that the holidays and costs are fair enough. That said, would a court really suggest a 6 year old be apart from his mother for weeks on end? I could bear it if I had to but I'm not sure my son could.....he's still a baby.

OP posts:
quietlysuggests · 03/03/2015 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worridmum · 03/03/2015 23:25

I didnt mean to worry you i doubt they would force that amount of time alone at that age, but it will most likely happen when hes older.

But has hes so young i dont think your chances are that good I am afraid as I cant see the judges rulling that the advantages of him moving to America out way the benifets of regular contact with his father.

Dont get me wrong I have only have experenced 3 cases with only my brothers EX actully succeding as she was moving back to home country so my experences could be not typical.

tempo · 06/03/2015 09:17

i moved back to the UK from abroad with my one year old when I separated from his father (who was a national of the EU country we were living in). I got a legal separation documented by a lawyer, including the fact that we were returning to the UK with my ex's consent. It was relatively straightforward.

But I appreciate it was different to your situation as I was returning home and for multiple reasons it was the obvious choice for us. My ex was not over-joyed but he was so wrapped up in shagging anything in a skirt and spending as much of our money as possible that it kind of suited him to have us properly out of the way.

They see each other in school holidays (month in the summer) and 2 of the three half terms (he has to pay for the flights) and he comes over to visit from time to time. They have a great relationship in their own way, although of course the ex really has no idea what is going on in my ds's life on a day to day basis. They Skype every Sunday but usually just talk about football......