Stuck in a loveless marriage or confused??

[Desijoe]

Hi, I have been with my wife for 9 years and we have a nine month son. I have only ever been in one relationship in my life. Since the arrival of my son I have been feeling very distant from my wife, so we could go a whole evening without a conversation. I am feeling really unhappy and am considering a divorce but it is not as straight forward as that because I do not want to be an absent dad or miss him growing up. As currently I work long hours and only get to spend a few hours with my son. A divorce would make this worse and I would get lesser time with my son. If I go through with the divorce I feel like I would not get the support from my family as they have strong traditional values and come from a indian background. I have no other social support structure available and afraid of the consequence for my son and family. I am not going to start another relationship as it would be unfair and unjust. Please help, am really confused???

It's normal when you have a child. Give it time. . Give your relationship a chance. Try to remember why you got together. Relationships are a dance. ...different tempos...up and down. Don't give up on your family . Put the effort in and your relationship could be better than it ever has been with time. . It's not all about you now. It's about your family unit. Hang on in there.

Get baby into nursery.

Take a day off here or there.

Talk to your wife - she probably feels the distance as well. Try couples counselling. An independent mediator can really really help.

Have you felt a bit off about the relationship for a while or just since the baby?

Thanks for the advice.

It has been going this way for sometime now, even before my son. I would do anything for my son but the lack of communication and emotions towards my wife has got to a point where I don't really care about how she feels, which I know is really bad. I feel like we are just going through the motions such as valentines, etc. I feel really low but at same time I know that the grass is always greener on the other side? Just need to know if this is a phase?, which is momentary or if it gets worse. If so how does divorce pan out?

It's most probably a phase. It's common. It's a transition. If you feel depressed, get some help from your gp. Then you will be able to work on your relationship and see if it's what you want.

Marriage takes effort. It doesnt sound like uoure msking any atm. Arrange s babysitter and take your wife out. Dress up. Have fun. Be together. Actually make an effort before you give up.

Calleigh is right. Marriage absolutely takes effort. Over 15 years of marriage there have been times when I could have killed my dh and felt that I lost all love and affection for him (he no doubt felt similarly), but looking back those were just rough (very rough) patches and we are genuinely close and fond of each other

You have a choice - try and put genuine effort in (as should she) to work on the marriage and see if you can recapture some of that former love and affection....or do nothing and let it drift.

For the record - the worst patch in my marriage was right after the birth of my children. Its entirely normal - new babies are all encompassing

Defo tricky after kids born. Folk are over tired.

But what if you can't stand partner and argue every time you are in same......

Your wife has a young baby and you work long hours. I imagine she is exhausted. How much help do you give her?