cohabiting

[skye33]

Wondered if anyone can help advise me on this ... I have been with my partner just over 5 years living together for 4 years we have a 3 year old daughter. Moved into his house 4 years ago and for the first couple years didn't pay towards the mortgage and bills as was on maternity pay and didn't earn enough. Went back to work part time 2 years ago and for the last year I have paid toward the mortgage £250 per month and also pay for most of the food shops per month, everything to do with my daughter but pay no bills. He earns roughly 67k and I earn £26 k.

The house is in his name and I'm not on the mortgage or the deeds. I feel that he should put me on the deeds or mortgage but he says that it is not necessary and that why do I feel the need to be on the deeds / mortgage. He says the house is " ours" but to me it doesn't feel like it ( he lived here previously with 2 ex girl friends )

Currently we are talking about splitting up as things are not great between us and we are going to Relate so understand he is not going to put me on the mortgage at the moment the way things are. However I have been asking him for the last 2 years to include me on the house and he never did it. I feel after having his baby , going part time at my job, moving away from where I was living before ( only renting didn't have my own property) to relocate to his area where his job is and his friends and family he should have done this for me. He says he doesn't understand why I need to be on the deeds and won't accept why it is an issue for m. He won't move house either as he is on a goid mortgage rate here and things it is the best option to stay even though I would have liked to have bought a house in a better area. ( I have savings I would have put towards the mortgage )

Any advice much appreciated as not sure if I'm being too demanding expecting to be on the deeds of property as we not married...? Thanks.

is the child both of yours ?

I would want to be in the deeds too if I were in your position, so no, I dint think wanting some security is demanding. Not sure what you can do about it though.

If you splints when you aren't on the deeds you'r ebuggered in terms of getting money out of the house. However you will get child maintenance and tax credits so it won't be too bad overall.

I think you are quite right wanting to be on the deeds as it's your home too. But will he agree if you are on the verge of splitting up? I don't think you'll be entitled to any money out of the house. It's a real problem.

Yes patchwork patty child is ours together. Thanks for the responses and nice to hear that perhaps I am not being so demanding as he seems to think I am.

He absolutely doesn't get the fact that being on the deeds or mortgage is necessary as guess in his eyes me wanting that equates to me wanting to take half off him as we not been in a good place for a while now.

We are caught in a vicious circle of me feeling resentful that he hasn't done it and him not doing it because he feels insecure I guess in the relationship. Although a big part of it also is that he just thinks there is no need and he told me that it is extremely difficult to put someone on the deeds of a property and is something that is usually done when the mortgage is paid off ?

He also said that why would I want to be liable to pay off his mortgage if something happened to him and that in the end the house will be our daughters and therefore that negates the need for him to do it. I totally disagree and there in lies our major issue ( along with quite a few others !!!) The irony of it all is if he had done it ages ago then I would have felt a lot more secure in the relationship and would have felt a lot more love toward him for doing it ( sounds callous I guess but hope that that seems understandable in some respects ? )

Vivienne Mary your right he is not going to do it while we going to Relate and talking separation so the timing is a problem.

Baby barrister I did see a family lawyer to talk things through a year ago and she told me that if we weren't married then I needed to be on the deeds to be entitled to anything. She did say about the schedule 1 of Children Act and the possibility of being able to stay in the house but sounded like a battle that would be unnecessary to drag through courts plus the fact that I have savings of £45000 would be considered too.

In his eyes because I didn't marry him ( he wanted to get married originally ) then it is my fault that I am not on the deeds as if id married him then things would have been different. I have had to go through 1 divorce and had my fingers burnt hence why I didn't marry him. Although more fool me by the looks of it !

thanks for all the advice...

I know it might sound a bit mercenary but could he be persuaded to give you a lump sum which together with your own savings would provide a good deposit for a place of your own. I don't see why you should leave and get absolutely nothing if you've contributed to the mortgage.

Viviennemary I have bought that up with him but as far as he is concerned there is no way he would give me any money as any money is tied up in the house and he has no savings. I have in fact only paid £250 for 12 months towards the mortgage and £450 for 3 months so far as I have agreed to pay more. His opinion is that is money I would pay in rent ( and a lot lower really I guess ) wherever I lived. However it just still feels bit wrong considering we have a child together.

The house doesn't even have a lot of equity in it as it stands now so really perhaps I am better just to drop the whole thing. I just wanted some security in the long term for me and my daughter.

It is a bit more complicated than just adding you to the deeds of a house that is mortgaged - you would have to be added to the mortgage as well, and then you would be liable if he stopped paying. If the equity in the house is low then I wouldn't recommend this, especially if the relationship is likely not to last.

But if you have paid for improvements to the house that you don't own I think it would be reasonable to request that you get that money back. Contributing to the mortgage if the sums involved are less than the rent you would otherwise pay doesn't seem the same to me, but being outside the situation always affects your judgement of the issues.

I understand why you haven't married him having been burnt before, but for your daughter's security I would suggest that she is given a life interest in the house under his will, and some money in trust.
When you do split you need to secure maintenance for your daughter under CSA/CMA rules.

Good luck

One more example as to why ALL GIRLS should be given a talk about having babies with men they are not married to. It should be a compulsory lecture !. Sorry you are in this situation OP. hope your sons father behaves well ! xx

Hindsight is a great thing Patchwork Patty.. But I would definitely advocate the be married before having child lecture ..but guess I am where I am now and have to deal with it. . Feel like I've been a fool

Tbh I wouldnt put you on the deeds at this stage either. A friend of mine has twins wih her husband they are very secure and together but she isnt on the deeds as she moved into his house. But they are married.

At this stage id be concerned for my savings if he has none.

Think being married does make a big difference. If we were married I wouldn't feel the need to be named on the house just feel that by paying £450.00 a month towards it and having a child together he would have done this to make me feel more secure.

Where we are at now I wouldn't expect him too and think it will be that I leave with my savings and he keeps the house, exactly as we went into the relationship 5 and a half years ago ..