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Advice on wording court order re contact

5 replies

captainhotknife · 09/02/2015 14:04

I need the wording to help as much as poss to prevent me having to interact with his dad or negotiate or discuss. History of domestic abuse. Very controlling man. Uses our son as a weapon, etc. Just this last Xmas (before the court order was finalised--it's still not finalised as he's disputing lots) he sent me over 16 emails over a 2 week period full of abuse just trying to sort out what week he'd have our son and what week I would. I want to avoid this. So I'd like the court order to be as specific as poss so he has as little chance as poss of attaking me. My barrister and his are drafting the court order. So far it says roughly this:
DS is to live with each parent in accordance to the following pattern:
Term Time
Mon and Tue with Dad
Wed and Thur with Mum
Alternate weekends

That works ok. BUT Holidays
"One week with each parent during Xmas hols, following which the term time pattern will recommence (unless one parents 7 day period of holiday care starts immediately upon the conclusion of the others) with DS moving to the care of the other parent after this 7 day hol."
is just too lose and meant I had to spend two weeks trying to negotiate what week we each had over Xmas. It says similar for Easter and summer. He will use this as an excuse to control me so I need it to be as sewn up as poss. Any suggestions? My barristers are finalising the wording this week but seem to offer no suggestions.

OP posts:
Scottysmum2008 · 09/02/2015 14:24

Hi, I am sorry to read about your situation.

I don't have any experience on law etc, but is it all possible to state which week each parent has your child, so week one is you (for example) and week two is the father (or vice versa), or is there a reason it has to be so loosely written?

Does your barrister appreciate what you are subjected to each time you are put in the position of having to negotiate directly?

I'm not sure I've been any help but really hope this is sorted so it also protects you Flowers

captainhotknife · 09/02/2015 15:28

Thanks. I don't think my barrister is paying much attention TBH. :-(
The only thing I can think of is to lay out the exact dates of hols for the years to come but that seems ridiculous and pretty difficult. I know there must be others out there with v difficult and controlling exes who can advise on wording. I dunno. Might need another thread about how to help DS who's living with a very controlling an frightening man that has managed to hide it from the family courts well :-(

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2015 15:37

How about you just say first week of the holidays alternating with the second week of the holidays for Christmas and Easter and first 2 weeks or last 2 weeks of summer.

That way you know you always get christmas half the time and he does.

Also what sort of abuse are you getting ? Can you get someone else to read them for you?

What are you doing about handovers?

captainhotknife · 10/02/2015 11:02

I might call the school and get the dates of the hols for the next few years but I;m not sure if I'll shoot myself in the foot by specifying dates so far forward. Then there will be no flexibility for me. I also have in the back of my mind that the negotiating each holiday where he comes across as such a huge bully might help me in the long run as it will be evidence of his controlling behaviour. So far it;s been hard to prove as he;s so charming and our son is too frightened of him to speak up (refused to talk to cafcass). Ugh I'm panicking.

OP posts:
elfmama · 13/02/2015 08:02

Am in similar situation re negotiation. Specified holidays by odd and even years i.e. In even years I have DD first week(s) of Xmas & summer hols and odd years second week/half of Xmas hols and summer hols. One week hols are in odd & even years. Makes it watertight & easy to plan. Good luck.

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