Getting anxious

[GenevievePettigrew]

We are in the early stages of separation - have both seen lawyers. His lawyer has sent me a letter which mine is responding to.

Some background. He bought a flat 4.5 years before we met. It's now 9 years since we've been together, 8 since we bought our first place together (using equity from his as a deposit) & 6 years we've been married. One child & we now live in Australia.

i have been the only one working for 4 years. Our daughter is in daycare because the expectation was that he would work, or study. We sold our 'together' flat & bought a house in Sydney.

His lawyer letter states i am not entitled to his flat - which with London prices is worth at least what our house is (& has far more equity). And that he wants $150k cash from me and half my superannuation earned since we moved. This would make him virtually debt free (as $150k would pay off the London mortgage) & leave me with around $750k debts - plus full care of our daughter.

my lawyer is great & says family decisions have been made taking the flat into account - as retirement top up etc - & that this is their starting position. So not to worry.

but of course I AM worried. I pay for everything now so I can afford current mortgage etc but couldn't with another $150k added to it. And it just doesn't seem fair that he could leave me in so much debt - although I know often divorce is not fair.

I want him to have flat & paid-off car, &; me house, car with debt still owing & credit card debt. He could then afford to buy outright a flat near here & remain a present father.

I don't know what I'm asking for here. A hand hold I think. I can't sleep & am super busy at work; really want to take some time out for me & DD to relax but can't.

Sorry for both length & lack of capitalisation in parts! I tried to fix but phone keyboard keeps jumping me up to my first paragraph!

I can't offer much advice as I have no idea of divorce 'rights' in Australia but am happy to hand hold.

For what it's worth, certain lawyers will start by asking for a mountain. It's disappointing that your ex has allowed them to send such an opening salvo but it sounds as though you have a good solicitor. I also wonder if your ex has implied he was a SAHD when it sounds as though your DD was in paid childcare, and he simply chose not to work for that period.

Your proposal sounds fair and as primary carer for your DD, you shouldn't be left with so much debt.

I know you feel you can't relax but it would be good if you could think of an activity that would distract you even if it's just watching a film or going dancing - something that doesn't allow you thinking time.

This is a really difficult time but it will be worth it to have a clearly agreed settlement. Take care.

Thank you BookabooSue - that's exactly what I needed! It's hard because his mother is also staying with us at the moment so I don't feel I can relax at home. She leaves on Tuesday and hopefully I can take some time off work & spend a week in the country at my parents' place with DD.