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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Recently separated with a 10 month old baby

6 replies

MNR77 · 20/08/2014 15:59

My OH and I have recently separated, we have a 10 month old son. (My ex moved out 3 wks ago and is now living with his mother). He has decided that the best way forward is for us to share 50/50 custody, with LO spending a week at a time with each of us.

I returned to work following maternity leave on 1 July (slightly reduced hours to allow me to drop off and collect my son from nursery).

I asked my ex if I could still collect my son from nursery on the week he is in his custody, and take him back to my home and spend a few hours with him before my ex finishes work. We did this for 2 days, and my ex then informed me that the arrangement was not convenient for him and was also not good for our son. I strongly disagree with this, and all I am wanting to do is ensure daily contact with my young son.

I am just looking for some advice about what the best situation for my young son is. I want to prevent too much disruption for him, and realise he needs to have contact with his father, but surely a week long absence at such a young age is not the best solution?

Am I being unreasonable?

I am also unsure about the financial side of things. The flat I live in is owned by my ex, and he has asked me to pay him rent for the next 6 months (plus bills). He is not giving me any financial support, although he pays for the nursery costs. And he has arranged for the child benefit to be paid into a savings account for my son which he controls.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
FreckledLeopard · 20/08/2014 16:02

Were you married or not? Have you taken legal advice? I think 50/50 custody with a 10 month old baby is quite extreme if you were the primary carer prior to the split. Can you get in touch with a solicitor?

Fairylea · 20/08/2014 16:06

A week on a week off for a young baby is not the norm. Consult a solicitor.

Steben · 20/08/2014 16:13

This sounds terrible for you OP, I agree with previous posters, get legal advice and cut this mans control over you. A week for a ten month old to be away from you is a long time IMO

starlight1234 · 20/08/2014 16:22

It seems this man is calling all the shots. I agree. You can get at least a free half hour consultation for free.

I also agree he seems to have a lot of contact for such a young child.

petalsandstars · 20/08/2014 18:47

No way would I be happy to spend a week without my baby every fortnight. This is all about what he wants - why are you letting him call the shots?

I'd get the cb back for you for a start for the babys needs - and see a solicitor pronto as you are in a very precarious situation housing wise- he could sell out leaving you homeless.

Also think about the future. When dc goes to school are they really going to want to spend a week here then a week there carting things about - this is the precedent - don't let him manipulate you into such a poor position to start with.

Legal advice. Quickly.

starlight1234 · 20/08/2014 20:05

I missed the CB bit..Yes it needs to be in your name. He sounds like he is very controlling and I would also consider ringing womens aid as what you are describing sounds like he has had a lot of power over you for a while

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