Ex wants contact in my home

[knackeredknitter]

Ex- insists on seeing the kids in my home twice a week and while he is here I generally stay out of the way.
But he is saying he has these concerns:
that I don't take them out enough,
that they are ill a lot (have recently been catching every bug going but seem to be coming out of that phase now)
that I can not manage them, such as medical appointments and hair cuts (unfounded and not based on any evidence)
Apparently he says the kids are always asking after him. 4 year old dd asks him when he is here why do you live at Uncle's house etc, when he is not here she is fine. He says that I am putting the kids through a lot and they want to be with him and this is his proof.
He also, I think, records conversations with me, and says I am unstable and angry a lot.
I want to stop him coming to the house, but then does this mean I am blocking access
He has been emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. I have no proof of this, except an email he sent me admitting to it.

you do not need to have him in your house. ever. put a atop to it. he is still controlling you by forcibg co.tact in your home. tell him hw can see the kids, but not tgere. i was where you are a year ago and i put a stop to it as it only stressed me out

Absolutely he has NO RIGHT to insist on your home! He can either see them at his home or you can arrange visits at a contact centre.

Stand firm. Tell him to stop criticizing you and when he says things just say 'I don't want to hear it'. He has no right to insist on ANYTHING! If you think he is recording conversations, ask him if he is. I don't know about where you live, but here it's illegal to record a conversation without consent. If you think he's recording, hang up the phone or just stop talking if it's in person.

He's just trying to mentally beat you down. Don't let him.

What an arse!
Why does he have to stay in your house? Can't he take them out to a local park for a bit? Or have longer weekend access at his own place? Definitely put your foot down now on this, you do not have to have him in your house. You may find it makes more sense to DCs once they have a "mummy's house" and "daddy's house" to deal with. Certainly works better with mine, age 4.5 and 2.5.

He's just being difficult about other things. He could take them out somewhere every weekend if he feels they aren't going out enough?! Or, heaven forbid, take them for a haircut if he feels it is needed?!