i think i need to leave my husband

[melanie1991]

This is the first time iv asked for any outside help but im stuck and I don't know what to do
IV been married for nearly 2 years now (only 22) and I think I may have rushed into things my husband is 41 and we have only 1 child together I have 1 from a previous relationship I feel alone right in the world right now before we got married everything was going well I thought he was the one then not even a month after the wedding he hit me for the first time I stayed as he said he was sorry and he would never do it again so I forgave him then it happened again while I was pregnant with our son so I packed my bags and told him I was leaving I left and went to my mums for a couple of days he rang and rang and appologised so I went back I should of stayed away then really.
So a few months went by and all seemed good we had our little boy and all was good and happy then 3 months later it all started again the worst yet he put his hands round my throat I honestly thought I was gonna die so I told him I was gonna leave and he threatened to kill himself if I left so I was guilted in to staying and now its all getting on top of me he works all the time to provide for our family so neither me or him get a break and if I ask him if I can get a babysitter and go out for a few drinks with my friends I always get snapped at im 22 and married but feel like a single parent im under lock and key all the time he won't even let me go to the shop I feel trapped and I need help what is the best way to get out
Thanks x

Yes, you should leave and you are right o make a plan.

Are you safe now? Women's Aid are brilliant - you can get great advice from them. Someone more helpful will be along soon, I am sure.

I'm still with him at the min I think he can sense something is up so he is being nice to me which makes it even harder to leave my mum has offered me a place to she lives like 40 miles away but she said my dad will pick me and the kids up when ever we need to it makes it so much harder when he is being the way he is at the mo and I am worried if I leave he will do something stupid like the way he threatened to when I said I was gonna leave before

You are definitely making the right decision. You do not deserve to feel scared in your own home.

I don't have any advice of where to go etc but I'm here to hand hold and tell you that you're very brave

Call your mum. Hands round the throat is a massive issue, you need to leave. Get the police involved if you have to.

I'm so scared of hurting him I care alot about him but im just not in love with him and more what would you suggest on him guilting me into staying with him saying he will hurt himself if I do leave I need to cover all aspects if that makes sense thanks x

This is a situation of his own making. You cannot risk your own and your children's wellbeing to save him. You have a huge responsability as a mother to keep your children safe and set them a good example and that good example is to not permit domestic violence ever.

You gave him more than one chance (which you shouldn't have done, but nearly all of us have done) and he threw those opportunities away, really the important thing is for you to assure your safety.

Call his bluff. This is a typical childish response. He won't do it. Frankly, if he does then it's due to his own pride/stubbornness/stupidity.

Tell him you love him, that you don't want him to hurt himself but that you can't live in fear for your safety and that of your sons. He's proven that he can't keep his promise to not hurt you.

You don't need to worry about hurting him. He doesn't pay you the same courtesy.

I agree he won't do it. He's using it to control you - he knows exactly how worried and guilty it will make you feel. But it's a bluff.

You need to get out, quickly.

Thank you so much for all you advise you will never know how much this will mean to me im planning train tickets to my mums

How was last night? Are you still motivated?

He's a grown man of 41. He is not yr responsibility and he has to look after himself. Yr job is to look after yr children and that means looking after yourself. He's not going to change now. Get out before he destroys you completely. X

You are very lucky to have supportive parents who love you and want to help. You've got your whole life ahead of you, it will be fine, but you gotta leave. x