Could being fair in financial settlement backfire?

[alikat724]

So H and I agreed this morning to separate, have settled on a number for me to pay him out of house and walk away, and we both hope to keep things very civil for the sake of co-parenting 2.5yo DD.

Has anyone been scrupulously fair in their dealings with ex and had it could backfire, either in the divorce settlement or otherwise? I am worried that if I pay him out on an amount we both agree us fair, legally could a court ultimately decide I owe him more? And if in due course he doesn't honour his commitment to pay half for all DD-related costs, whether my recourse would be compromised? Have posted in Relationships as I realise that area gets more traffic! Thanks all for any feedback....xx

When my husband divorced his wife he was very fair and it has never backfired. In fact it lay down the foundations for their relationship as parents to blossom .

Thank you Philosophy, that's very heartening!

We reached agreement but the important point is that you get a solicitor to draw it up into a consent order and before decree absolute you have the court seal it which makes it a binding court order. It needs to make clear if it is a clean break with neither of you paying the other maintenance or not. Make sure it covers all the debts and assets.

I agree to get is legally formalised; and I would say take legal advice too. You don't need to tell him you have done it. You should get the house valued, so you have a clear idea how much equity you have.

My DD's dad left me for OW when she was a baby and left me to sort out the legal aspects. I got a lawyer and paid for it all to be done properly. I am very glad I did because nearly a decade later we had a very bitter argument about what I had sold the house for, which he used to justify his lack of maintenance for the last five years. I have the valuation for a few weeks after he left ,I stayed in it and did it up. He had no claim on the money.

You can be fair and amicable but also make sure you are legally covered.

The important point is that in England (not Scotland) divorce finances are based at date of the court order not at date of separation even if you separated a few years before so until that Consent Order is sealed by a judge anything agreed can be undone. it is not a difficult task. You draw up the bare bones of the financial deal, you email them to a family lawyer asking them for a quote to put it into a consent order format and then you submit it to the court yourself or via them once you have had your decree nisi which can get yourself without lawyers if you want to save costs. However if there is enough money I would go to a solicitor first for advice.

Ah okay, am not in England