DC staying overnight with exH when he has flatmates

[avocadogreen]

H moved out 3 weeks ago, for the moment he is staying in the spare room of a work colleague. The colleague is 25, male and single and there is also another single man in his twenties living there.

H wants to have our two DC (DD is 7 and DS is 3) there to stay overnight, I don't think it's a suitable environment. He says they would have their own room, on an air bed. But still, I don't know these people and they are young single blokes at the end of the day, on a weekend they will be drinking, maybe smoking, there might be other people around.

Am I unreasonable to say no? I have been very reasonable about contact so far. I am sure I read something on here about the father having to have a 2-bed place on his own before children are allowed to stay overnight, but I can't find anything, any links would be helpful.

I wouldn't be happy with the children staying over in this environment, I'm sure his work colleagues are very nice but he needs to find his own place so that the children have stability and their own space. Seven year old is at school so needs a proper nights sleep, a few weeks on an inflatable mattress will seem exciting but not in the long term. Could he not see them at his parents' house instead, they'd be in a familiar environment and hopefully his parents' house would mean a proper bed and help with looking after them? Depending on how you see the separation depends on the paths that you take. If you see yourselves getting back together I wouldn't go down the solicitor route, could you ask a friend or family member to act as a mediator? I'm sure you both want what is right for the children.

That isn't correct, no. It's your ex's responsibility to keep the children safe when they are with him. Can he afford his own place?

If you said no and he decided to take you to court, it's unlikely the court would find in your favour.

I have suggested he takes them to his parents if he wants them for a whole weekend. I guess he will find his own place at some point, at the moment it is all so new and we are untangling what we are going to do, so this is a bit of a stopgap.

Hi avocado. I have been in the same position as you. I did not allow overnight contact when stbxh was in a flat share. It was only when he had a 3 bed flat of his own that the court were satisfied as well, I have one DS and one DD. You don't know anything about these men, don't risk your childrens safety by allowing this to happen. Life is difficult enough for them at the minute. They need a space for their own things and a place that they can feel at home in, rather than a camp bed. I would allow full day access, but not overnight until this is sorted. Best wishes to you. It's horrible when all this is getting sorted. It will get easier. Hugs.

Oh and the suggestion to go to his parents is a great one IMO.