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I want to leave him ... But don't know how

5 replies

Paddy1980 · 12/04/2014 07:51

I have been married to 'him' for 8 years this summer, it was a whirlwind romance, friends before, got together, pregnant after a year, immigrated to a foreign country, got married, our daughter was born. Gave up career was a stay at home mum. Looking back think I can say I have been unhappy for at least the last 6 years, moved back to uk 3 years ago, got a part time job which paid £400 a month but worked around my daughter. My husband earns about £50,000 a year, but encouraged me to work party time as he wanted me to be around for our daughter, but at the same time gets moody & snappy about not having any money. I have now gone back to work full time earning £17,000, not quite the salary I used to earn but I have chosen it to work around kids & him. He told me he hates me last night and complained that I had only cooked dinner 3 times in the last week. Can I point out I work full time on top of this my daughter does gymnastics twice a week plus brownies , I make sure she is fed.i am not his maid. I can't remember the last time he offered to cook, I do all his washing etc, down to scrubbing his sh*t marks off the toilet where he is just too lazy to do it. We are moving house in a few weeks (rented) , I have looked on benefits calculator and could probably just about afford it. But I know it will be me that has to leave, as he pays for the house, throws that in my face enough, I'm reaching the point where I could just grab my passport & go, I'm that unhappy I would consider leaving my daughter which breaks my heart. But he is making my life a misery , he won't leave , expects us to live together in a horrendous atmosphere which affects my daughter, I can leave but he won't let me take my daughter
I would kill myself if I had the balls, I hate him, he belittles me & I need to leave him

OP posts:
Uptheanty · 12/04/2014 07:56

You dont need his permission to take your dd & you don't need to put up with this.

I wouldnt be moving into another rented house with him, if i was moving i'd be doing it alone with my dd!

You would be entitled to maintenence from your dh for your dd if you look on CSA calculator it should give you an idea of how much you may receive.

It is always harder to leave but ive never spoke to anyone who's regretted it afterwards.

Do you want to leave?

Misfitless · 13/04/2014 00:05

Paddy, sorry to read all this. You sound desperately unhappy.

I agree with Uptheanty, you don't need his permission.

It's not clear to me, you're in the UK now, I think, but you're not British, is that right, or maybe your husband isn't British?

You need a plan. Don't think you should do anything rash, such as grabbing your passport and going, or leaving your daughter.

Is it a multicultural marriage? Is your DH from a country where it would be difficult for you to leave with your daughter?

There are very knowledgeable people on here who would be able to give you relevant advice, and help you formulate a plan.

Misfitless · 13/04/2014 00:06

It's just occurred to me that you might be flies on me tonight! Blush

Valdeeves · 13/04/2014 18:38

Take your daughter whatever you do

antimatter · 13/04/2014 19:00

you know you can't stay in a relationship like that
prepare and move on

if you have enough money for deposit - look for a place for yourself and your daughter

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