please tell me about your divorce settlement

[yorkie84]

I am very unhappily married. Discovered today that mil has been slagging me off in front of dc and (d) h has been agreeing with her. Feels like the final straw/betrayal. However, I feel trapped by large mortgage etc etc. S just wondering what happened upon your split. Dh is high earner but we are heavily mortgage d. I am virtually a sahm with only capacity for low end jobs. Have 3 dc including 12 month old so earning potential low.
How do you resolve this pleSe. Feeling trapped.
Thank you

Sorry for typos. Fat fingers and too much wine!

Benefits top up quite well.

I haven't started living on them yet as husband only moved out yesterday but calculators online (entitledto.com) suggest I'll get by but I work 3 days a week too.

Day to day I think I will be fine. Maintenance will cover mortgage and I think we should be able to live off benefits initially. Just can't see how either could afford to buy other one out of house. I could downsize to a 3bed I suppose but that wouldn't save much. Thank you and good luck daisies

I can't afford to buy him out either. I still need to speak to the mortgage lender but i am thinking the mortgage will remain in both our names but with me paying and he'll get his share of current equity when i sell which may not be until our youngest is 18. He isn't happy with this but we can't downsize, we wouldn't fit anywhere much smaller!

I may be wrong but I thought that with a mesher order the other party gets the value of the equity upon sale. Which means he benefits from any improvements, mortgage payments and apprecistion on property. May be wrong and indeed I hope I am wrong. Because at the moment our equity is probably 150k. When dd is 18 it will be 250k without allowing for house prices going up.
Yet a 3 bed which will be cramped with 3dc will cost about 175k so I will be no better off if we sell and can't believe I will get a mortgage anyway.
Really should have held onto by little house.

my sisters Ex H left after an affair about 11 years ago - as part of the divorce my sister was awarded 70% of share of house (she at the time was SAHM) her ex was awarded 30% share. Fast forward 11 years and she wants to buy him out (youngest is now 16). They are arguing (via solicitors) about what value £ the 30% represents now - my DSis having spent money on new heating system, radiators (which Ex DH refused to contribute to despite his children living in freezing conditions over a winter when my sis could not afford to get it fixed!), new windows and doors, new kitchen - all of which my DSis has funded and paid for. As it stands he is still entitled to 30% of the equity - my DSIs is arguing that the capital contributions she has made to improve should be factored in - however, it is certainly not straightforward and they are now wasting money on solicitors.....
At the time of divorce 30% represented about £30k - now it represents more like £80k.....yet he paid nothing towards the mortgage in that 11 years, my sister saw no increase in her child maintenance during that time, and has funded literally everything.
Personally my sister would rather have sold the house at the time and had done with it, but at the time losing the house seemed a step to far. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
I guess what i'm saying is think through carefully your options.

Thats whats worrying me. I think the best option could be selling. With the equity I could probly get a smaller shared ownership property. It will mean the kids have to change school but it could be worth it. Presumably I would initially qualify for housing benefit to cover rent.
Lots of thinking and planning to be done.
Thank you

This is one of the toughest decisions to make. I am just ahead of you at moment. In my circs I have moved out to rented because H refused to leave or sell and he is supposed to be buying me out instead. I could have stayed in property and eventually he would have had to leave but I couldn't carry on living there any longer with things as they were, it was doing no one any good. I will get help with the rent for 6 months by which time I should have some equity which is not enough for me to buy with so will probably go on rent for next few years til it is spent and qualify for help again.
I have looked at shared ownership in our area but they are few and far between.
I don't regrt moving out as much happier and kids are coping with life on the whole not too bad but I have no security for future which I am struggling with at moment. Neither of us could have bought if we had sold as not enough equity even if I had taken it all I still couldn't have done anything more than rent with it so this is probably best way although my solicitor advised me to stay and keep house until youngest was 18.

So if I or we put house on market would I qualify vor housing benefit? Thank you

Yes Yorkie there is a regulation that says they can pay you hb for up to 26 weeks and even longer depending on circumstances. Unfortunately like me you might have to appeal for this though as I got turned down first time but then they changed their minds. Still waiting to hear how much at moment though.

Thank you.

On a Mesher type order, the person waiting should benefit from increases in the housing market (or decreases), but not from any "enhancements". Sharing any increase remains relative - all house prices would have risen or fallen in proportion.

OP, you need to weigh up your options and take financial as well as legal advice. If the mortgage is eg a lifetime tracker, you'd probably best keep hold of the house for now. It's the duty of both parents to house the kids, so leaving the equity in the house is a way of exH contributing...it shouldn't prejudice you.

Los, six months is not very long if you need to start court proceedings. What would you do if there is no sign of your capital in six months time when the HB may stop?

Thank you