My H and I have had a rocky 16 year relationship and have 2 children in primary school. Our arguments have got worse but we've never disagreed on how to bring the children up. In the last 5 years he's been in and out of work, this stretch of 'no job' is currently 6 months so he's been a SAHD along with sitting on the settee with his ipad watching TV whilst sitting in a messy house and not cleaning or tidying it up. He does the basics like feed the children and occasionally clears up and washes up. He does do the laundry.
Our disagreement is he believes that by shouting and swearing and calling our children names this gets them to do as they are told. He has always hated that I am always late and now is at the end of his tether. I do not show affection, I am always late, late with their tea, late with their lunch which knocks the routine out in the weekend. He doesn't seem to understand that after he's called me and separately the children you f'ing C* I don't want to jump into bed with him.
My feeling are I can't/won't, he hasn't once said he's sorry in fact he's said it's our fault for making him so cross that he has to shout and swear so now he does it to the children and then says by me shouting at you our marriage is breaking down because now your mother will tell me off for shouting and swearing at you! so now they feel to blame for our rocky relationship!!
I've asked him to go and get some counselling/anger management but he's said he just needs support from his wife. I don't know what else to do to be honest and now he has said twice that he's going to make a bed up in the extension which is filled with computers/cupboards/organ and tv and games table so there's no room. He's told me in front of the children so they don't know what's happening and he said this morning in front of them that he's not leaving his house but will move downstairs to sleep.
Why is it always me that the decisions come down to? I am so worried that I will lose the house. I firmly believe that growing up having one house (we never moved) gave me the stability in my life and want the same for our children, I don't want to move and I've spent hours scrubbing and sanding each and every wall and painting and decorating the house that it's part of me. I have plans to rent a room/tutor children etc to make extra money but he won't go so what do I do now?
I have a support worker and she is asking a solicitor some questions but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with my answers. I'm also deeply worried/scared because we have 2 huge loans and they are in my name for jointly owned timeshare and consolidation of debts yet everyone is telling me that I will be liable for them! 
Because of the debts and him not working we have no money and are not able to pay our outgoings without help from a family member so how can I afford to pay for a solicitor to get a divorce? should we live in the same house? how will this affect the children especially when they get shouted at all the time and they are fed up with this.
Can anyone help please?