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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Can someone talk me through how to get divorced? I feel overwhelmed

5 replies

ChloeBasset · 28/01/2014 11:33

I'm asking on behalf of a friend who is feeling totally overwhelmed, hoping for help from someone who knows what needs to be done to get divorced, and can talk her through it.
She's gutted after her husband was unfaithful, and took a large sum of money from their joint account, without telling her.
When challenged he left their rented home, leaving her with a 2 1/2 year-old, and a highly demanding new job which she must successfully maintain.
She is struggling to come to terms with what has happened.
He is a social worker by profession, an expert in family cases. Now she has totally lost her trust in him she feels at a disadvantage because he no doubt knows all the loopholes and arrangements.
It is over 3 months since he left.
She wants to know how much maintenance he needs to pay.
She mistrusts him deeply, and her daughter is extremely sensitive, so she refuses to let him take her away with him, although he pressured her to allow that. At the moment he visits her at home, which isn't ideal, and causes great stress. An arrangement needs to be made for access.
Can she claim benefits?
She needs help to break the process down one little step at a time so she can get through this emotionally and financially.
Can someone help?

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 28/01/2014 11:36

Agree it's a good idea to break it down in steps.

My top three things to do first would be:

  1. Gather all the financial information together
  2. See a solicitor
  3. Stop him coming to the house to see the daughter. Hand over at the door step.
LauraBridges · 28/01/2014 12:16

Get a solicitor even if just for the first 30 minutes of advice.

Issue a divorce petition (sometimes people show the draft to their spouse's lawyer first for comment - we did).

The solicitor can advise on interim maintenance for the child and possibly the mother (or father if mother earns more). This can be applied for on an emergency basis at court if necessary although hopefully the non resident parent will pay it on request.

If she is working full time as you say she may still be in a low paid job and may be entitled to housing benefit to help with the rent and child tax credits. Make sure the child benefit is coming to her.

is she sure she wants a divorce?

Don't obtain a decree absolute until you have a sealed court consent order over the finances.
Consider insuring the life of the spouse.

Make new wills in due course.

ChloeBasset · 28/01/2014 19:02

thanks so much for the advice
She paid £50 to go to a solicitor, but came away more confused and overwhelmed than ever, and with a quote for £4,000 to explain more to her.
So we're now trying to find out as much as possible, and at least to know what to ask a solicitor, and what the priorities are.
Can anyone recommend a good, clear, honest, reasonable solicitor in the Battersea / Balham area of London?

OP posts:
LauraBridges · 29/01/2014 15:44

By the way I just heard part of a good MoneyBox Radio 4 Q&A on divorce today in the car. Worth listening to on iplayer if anyone is planning a divorce.

ChloeBasset · 30/01/2014 12:54

thanks! It doesn't seem to be available yet online. I'm watching it

OP posts:
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