SAHMs who've left, please talk to me....

[Ineedcheese]

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Reposting here as suggested

Xx

Watching with interest ...

Hopeful bump xx

and another

I'm in this position right now but with two dcs and less assets to split between us. Am looking at rentals, the house is getting sold and tom am off to the solicitors for an overview before hopefully we resolve it all by mediation. Or thats the idea. I'll let you know how I get on. In terms of benefits Im going to be claiming child tax credits, housing benefit and income support if that helps. Hb and IS all decrease if you have savings over 5999 and disappear if they are over 16,000 but are unaffected by monthly maintenance payments which is food for thought.

Thanks poppet.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you get the ball rolling? What was the first thing you did and how much if a plan did you have?

I'm a SAHM and split with ex over 2 years ago. As my DCs are all school age I don't get Income Support but I would think you would - that seemed the most generous benefit and also opens doors for other freebies (free school meals/uniform, council tax reductions etc). It will all change to Universal Credit at some stage but I don't suppose that will be a quick thing, so you have a couple of years I think.

As the mum of a pre-schooler you won't be expected to find full time work either, you can remain a SAHM or work part time if you want to and you will get financial top-ups from tax credits for childcare and other expenses.

As sad as it is, I've ended up in a pretty good situation as a lone parent - I worried that I would be disadvantaged, but actually my ex was very financially controlling and so I've benefitted from being on my own and being able to control my own money. He pays the CSA amount for the DCs + some extra to me and I've remained in the family home - as a mortgaged property I don't get any assistance with that, but if you rent you will get housing benefit too.

CAB were pretty useless when I went in to see them in the early days, I sat in tears and they basically showed me how to use their website, which I could have done at home on my own.

However, MN has been a great source of support for me and once your confidence has increased a bit you will be able to sort out paperwork and claims pretty easily yourself. There's always this panic that if you get it wrong you'll be in huge trouble, but as long as your finances are pretty simple and you have all the info you need to hand you'll be fine. Good luck and keep talking to your STBXH as that is the key to sorting it out amicably.

Didnt really have a plan at all it just dawned on us on New Years Day we couldnt go on any longer. Our house was already up for sale anyway and we were lucky we got a good offer within a week of the split. We're still living together til we get rentals sorted which is a little more problematic as a mum about to be on benefits and we have pets too but hopefully thats going to be sorted soon. My first step was the cab who ran a benefit check for me and gave me a weekly total of what I will be able to claim. For me its IS, housing benefit and child tax credit which will keep us more financially secure than dh (a university academic who in hindsight has been quite financially controlling) has... But giving him his due he is offering significantlyo over csa min payments too. So my to do list went: cab, letting agents, solicitor. She told me a 60/40 asset split sounded reasonable and exh agrees to this but his suggestion of having the kids every weekend wasnt so fair once ds starts school. Its a huge thing to contemplate at the start but once you get going you just kind of get on with it.