Hello, im really needing some advise. My and my ex were never married and separated when our son was 18 months old. He is now 3 and a half. Up till recently everything was working well with our 50/50 arrangement. However my ex is in a new relationship (please don't think this is a jealousy issue as I'm genuinely happy for him). However, over the last few months his attitude as changed and he is now very much against me.
When I discovered my son was spending time with his new partner I asked to meet her as if she is involved in my sons life I feel I have a right to meet her. However this was refused because she wasn't ready to meet me. I tried my best to remind them that it wasn't about her, me or his dad, it was about our son and I don't want him feeling like he has to keep his life's separate. However I appreciated the fact that his dad wouldn't let our son come to any harm so agreed to not meet until she is ready. I then began to get regular requests to have our son more so he could take her away for weekends, shows, hotels etc. No problem, im hardly going to say no to extra time with my son and I wanted to keep it friendly.
Last week I aksed for him to have our son for 1 extra night and he went mad saying that he had plans and wouldn't help and that the agreement was we gave 3 weeks notice. This was the first I had ever heard of this agreement?! and many a time I had cancelled my plans to help him last minute. But I have now agreed to this.
However this week the new girlfriend posted a video on facebook of my son and hers playing and a statement saying "stage 3 going well". Not impressed but didn't do or say anything. Last night my son asked me when he would see his new brother again?! When I told him he didn't have a brother he advised that my ex's partner had told him the boy he played with was his new brother. Her son. I was fuming so text my ex to ask him what was happening. He has said this wasn't said. Too much of a coincidence that after the "stage 3" going well for my liking though. He has advised he is going to his solicitor this Saturday (don't know what for as he doesn't want full-time thankfully) and is refusing to speak over text anymore and the only time we will talk is on a Saturday morning, change over day. A few weeks back though I was made to hand my son over on the doorstep though as she was there and didn't want to meet me so I wasn't allowed in. Up until then we would have a brew and a chat together. So he now drops our son off at my house and is always in a rush so not sure when we will get to talk. My concern with this as well is that how he is being lately, I don't want him being like that in front of our son. I left him due to arguments so I don't want them now.
I'm starting to panic really and feeling that his new partner is pushing me put of my own sons life. I don't understand why he has suddenly changed and im not trying to blame her, but I cant overlook the fact that he changed when things started going well with them. I don't know if maybe he is trying to have the same arrangement that she does with her son and ex?
I don't seem to have any option but to agree to his demands. He's very clever with his words ( so much so that towards the end of our relationship I was offered housing as it was seen as emotional abuse, I refused and did everything by myself) and I know when he split from his ex wife many years ago he would record all conversations with her and make notes of anything....he still has all of these. I feel like he is trying to do the same thing with me which I don't want.
Ever since we split it has been my priority to keep everything friendly and I would NEVER stop him seeing his son, I don't want solicitors, I just want to feel like an equal and right now I don't.
Does anyone have any advise at all on what to do or how to stop this situation spiralling out of control?
Thank you (sorry for the essay) x