Children suffering because of his vendetta.

[awmoo]

History Married 17 years, separated March 12. He now lives 250 miles away.
CONTACT WITH HIM HAS BEEN BY TEXT ONLY.
Mortgage in my name only. 2 children 9 & 14 yrs
Solicitors letter received iut if the blue November 12 wanting me to sign agreement that we had been separated 2yrs & all sorted with finances & children. I refused as not true.
Lots of abusive and threatening text messages received because of this.
Originally arranged to see children every other weekend but novelty wore off and has only seen them 3 times this year.

Dictates by text when he will be picking them up at very short notice and gets very irate if they already have plans. Accuses me if nit letting him see them. I have never stopped him seeing them and would like them to see more of him. I could also use the break as it just me. I have no local support network.
Asked him to a arrange dates in advance but says he Cant as he wirks in retail??m
He stopped paying child support few months ago & refused to make voluntary arrangement to make payments.
Contacted CSA, he has tried to delay but now at the point of getting attachment to earnings.
More abusive & threatening texts. Seemed extremely unstable & threatened to move back in. Scared so changed locks.

He has since messages daughter to say that he will be moving back locally at end of june so will probably end up getting out of paying any child support at all.
1 week after CSA wrote to him about payments he sent through divorce papers from different solicitor this time. Full of innacuracies and lies about my behaviour, finances and children. He also wants me to pay his costs. He earns 4 times more than me.

I work part-time and support family with no help from him both financially and emotionally. Childcare costs are crippling. All reserves have been depleted and will be lucky if next mortgage payment is made.

Can't get legal aid as it no longer exists so also have to fork out for solicitor costs. Can't imagine that they will look after my best interests of I can't afford to pay them so feel backed into a corner.
He wants house sold so he can have a wedge of cash but I want to keep so children have a roof. Daughter going through GCSEs so far too much disruption to move. House probably wouldn't sell for a decent price due to all the dodgy unfinished and dangerous DIY jobs he left behind and I can't afford to rent privately.
I am happy to go to mediation for children & finances but find this idea really daunting as he is a compulsive liar and will say what ever hee feels will get him what he wants. It's so exhausting trying to keep up with it and actually figure out the truth.

I am afraid that he will charm and manipulate mediator into giving him what he wants and would feel intimidated about having a meeting with him there.

Can I use text message evidence during meeting. I just have no idea how this is going to work and just so worried that he will be successful in his vendetta to see me with nothing without any regards to how he is making our children suffer. They have already sacrificed so much and havebeen so amazing that I csnt bear to see them hurt anymore by a so called father who only thinks if himself and his pocket.

You say the mortgage is in your name only but is the house also is just your name or is it joint names?

Personally I think you should go to the police with the text messages, he is verbally abusive and manipulative and you don't have to put up with that.

Make an arrangement for contact, tell him he can have the DCs every other weekend, stating next weekend from 5pm Friday until 5pm Sunday (or whatever you want) tell him that is the arrangement, if he doesn't turn up at 5pm on Friday he will not get the DCs and there will be no changing the weekends/days, it is that schedule or nothing.

Set up a new email address, give him that and tell him that is the only way you will speak to him, then change your phone number.

Make notes of everything he says and does, and collect as much evidence of his behaviour as possible.
Do you have proof of when you split and when he moved out?
You need to gather as much evidence of when things have happened, when he left, how much money he has given you, etc.
you want to make sure you have as much evidence as possible to combat the lies is fabricating.

My friend went through the same thing with her ex, when she stopped engaging him he eventually got bored and left her alone.
I hope it all works out for you.

Hi weareeternal.
House is im my name only but he has issued a land registry notice of interest.

I no longer have my phone number so have have no contact from him since all the abusive CSA texts but he hasnt even tried arranging any contact times with my daughter (normal trick to undermine.me as a parent) or tried ringing thw landline number to arrange contact. No proof of when he left except a text message from me asking him not to come home back from a trip after weeks if his unreasonable behaviour. I had taken him off council tax in 2010 after he moved out for 3 months. He wouldnt let me put him back on when he returned quoting "its in your best interests not to"

Did you own the home (on your own) before you got married, or was it put into your name intentionally but bought jointly?

Simply, his regestering interest in the property via the land registry only affects you if you are planning to sell the house any time soon, and once the divorce is finalised his interest in the property should be removed, although I'm not 100% on wether this would affect and future intent to sell, you will have to check that one.
Honestly I'm not entirely sure why he bothered to do it, it is usually only recommended to someone who is trying to obtain a right of occupation, (if the owning spouse is trying to force their ex to move out this can give them a right to stay in the property, but only until the divorce is final).

If I were you I would check the land registry and just make sure everything is up to date and accurate with your details, just in case.

Is there much equity in the property?
This is where you may get stuck down, as it is possible for the non owning spouse to claim a right to any equity in the house, as thru can claim that they paid towards the mortgage and therefor have a stake in the house.

He sounds like a very slippery fish, be careful Awmoo, make sure you have as much evidence of the truth as possible.

WeAreEternal.

He is a slippery fish indeed. He uses lies, charm and manipulation in the first instance. Always sounds credible but when hes caught out or cant get his own way he turns to bullying & intimidation. Arrogant enough to think he will never be caught out. Always has debt collectors chasing him and expects others to lie for him. Everyone always owes him a favour. (typical narcissist I'm afraid and I was gullible & stupid enough to get caught up in his fantasy world)

Anyway, mortgage was in joint names til 2009. Remortgaged in my name only. I cant be sure of his reasoning but thats what happened.

I did receive a text message from him stating that he did not want any equity from the house and I could have everything but after I refused to sign the agreement about 2 yr separation from the first solicitor he got another who.obviously advised him to get the land registry thing so I couldnt sell the house without his knowledge.

Theres probably about 55k equity and he wants 40% NOW. I have no problem with him having 25% but not until the children are out of full time education. They both want to go to university and it will be me that has to finance this as he wont. I also want them to have as stable a home life as possible in light of everything thats happened. If I have to sell when the kids have gone to pay him off I will. Unfortunately, no amount of reasoning will convince him to think of the affect this is having on the kids.
He is also after my pension and half my car (worth £900).
Sorry to ramble but I have learned the hard way to triple check everything he says but even I still get caught out so a stranger is not going to stand a chance. luckily I have a substantial amount of paperwork to disprove a lot of lies but it is draining watching my back all the time.
Thanks so mych for your advice and for listening, im sure there's so much more to come yet.

The two year separation thing, the only reason I can think that he would want that is in order to list separation as the grounds for divorce.
If you you have been seperated for more than 2 years you can list that at the grounds, is commonly known as 'no fault'.
The only other options are adultery, unreasonable behaviour, or desertion.
Obviously you could have filed on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, but it seems likely that he wanted you to agree to the easiest option which was a no fault.

I know people who have claimsd a 2 year separation in order to have an amicable 'no fault' divorce, rather than have to file for unreasonable behaviour.

It can also be easier to get a divorce on the grounds of no fault, as it is a mutual accepted thing (the respondent has to sing off on it, like your ex asked you to) so is is usually amicable and easy to process.

Do you still have the text message saying that he does not want any equity from the house?

You should start taking screen shots of your texts from him and saving them on your computer (or printing them out)
It's also better to have the number clear displayed (rather than his name (from your contacts) so that it is easy to show the texts are from him when he denies sending them.

It sounds like you are much better off without that creep.