Divorce advice - Husband starting an affair when I was 5 months pregnant

[LOK1]

My husband and I got married in July 2011. Back in September 2012 I discovered my husband had cheated on me. At the time he told me it was just a kiss and that he wanted to stay with me.

The next 4 months were spent with him lying to me and continuing his affair. He was present at the birth of our daughter in Dec 2012 and again promised to make a go of us. A few weeks back he finally confessed that he had been sleeping with his work colleague but promised it had stopped after I had found out. Although I have no solid proof I know this not to be true! Too many late nights, hidden mobile phone bills and secret meetings.

For 6 months I have put up with him continuously lying and cheating on me at a time which I consider to be at my most vulnerable. I fought for our marriage and our family but this was not enough for him as he continues to have a relationship with this woman. I am now at a point where I want him out of my life and a divorce.

Where do I stand legally and financially on this. I am currently on maternity leave and due to go back this Nov but would prefer not to. We have a joint mortgage. As well as child maintenence, does he still have to provide a roof over our heads? Do we have to sell the flat? What else would I be entitled to for the sake of our daughter? My parents live in Spain - am I able to take her away on holiday to visit them without his permission? I am to start divorce proceedings but will he have to pay for the cost of this?

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm at a complete loss as to where to start.

x

Hi LOK - so sorry you are going through this, it's just awful. First off let me just say you are strong and you will get through this!

Get yourself some legal advice ASAP. Most solicitors will offer an initial consultation free of charge - phone around and find one who will do this then go armed with a list of questions like those above.

From my own experience, I would say - you don't HAVE to sell the flat, although you may ultimately agree to do so in order to split whatever value is in it. Whatever you do, do not leave. If you can't live with him while you're figuring all this out, make him leave (if you haven't already done so)! After all, it's his vile behaviour that's brought this on. Taking your daughter to Spain for holidays should be fine as long as you don't plan on moving her there without his permission. You will definitely be entitled to child maintenance until your daughter is 18. And you should be entitled to some sort of support for yourself but it may only be for a limited period of time. Also, don't think he's obliged to pay for you legal fees, it just depends what your lawyer can get him to agree to.

I'm a year down the road, still paying off my own lawyers bills, had no job for 6 months and I will have to sell my house eventually. But...I've survived it. I've got a new job and I'm getting back on my feet and moving forward and honestly quite happy that some other poor woman can put up with his shit from now on! Good luck xx

Hi Lok - I could have almost written your post although the timings are a few months out! totally agree with yoga girl in getting a really good family lawyer for initial advice (try if you can to get a personal recommendation) but before you see them also get really clued on which you can easily do on here as there is tons of info that has been posted to help others going through the same thing - and they will answer most of your questions. The one thing I have found is that I am actually better off without OH. I'm the breadwinner and brought all the assets into our marriage - now he's gone I am entitled to benefits I wouldn't have claimed when we were together like tax credits to help with huge childcare costs etc so definitely check what you can get once he leaves - if that's what happens.
Good luck.