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Should I be grateful?!

8 replies

Wrenner · 25/11/2012 19:54

I know this may sound a strange post but I have just split up with my ex partner. My two closest friends have also split up with their partners too. One of my friends ex is a complete waste of space. He doesn't provide for her and her daughter, doesn't see her. My other friends ex is very controlling and sees his children only one afternoon a week. He doesn't pay much either and is more interested in stalking my friend.
With me my ex partner is fantastic with my children.. Can never see them enough. Pays me a really fair amount for them and is really supportive. I guess I feel I can't complain and should be grateful for what I have. Is this normal what I have? Are most men generally unsupportive financially and practically? Or are they very unlucky and I have what is normal? I just feel I shouldn't moan/complain although, as with them, I am still going through a breakup and need to vent. Just feel I can't?!

OP posts:
Nurse30emma · 26/11/2012 20:52

he sounds very amicable; but your feelings are your feelings and are just as valid regardless of whether your ex is reasonable or not. ((huggs)). I dont know what is normal ex behaviour my husband and me seperated 6 weeks ago and hes jeckyl and hyde lots of outbursts of anger hes really surprised me. everyone grieves differently or so I have read.

sarah341 · 27/11/2012 08:08

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olgaga · 27/11/2012 22:10

Well it's early days. Where are you with regard to finance, housing etc? It's usually not the children, it's the need for money which turns most men into raving lunatics.

Wrenner · 30/11/2012 15:09

I need to move out as I can't afford to stay in the house as the mortgage too high etc he is being reasonable regarding that so far but he can be up and down but I think he's offering a good maintenance. He wasn't impressed at the idea of buying me out as I haven't contributed in his eyes?! Even though I've worked with both children and also have birth to his children and raise them 6 days/ nights a week.... Hardly any contribution at all hey?! Wink

OP posts:
Wrenner · 30/11/2012 15:19

Eek also have decided to send Xmas day with ex and mutual friends.... Dread dread

OP posts:
olgaga · 30/11/2012 17:52

Is the house also in your name? That's important - especially as you aren't married. But there are other ways you can deal with it.

Will you both be able to pay rent as well as a mortgage?

Wrenner · 30/11/2012 21:05

Yes joint names. He's bought me out and we have a seperation agreement in place now. Just need to move out apply for schools etc xx

OP posts:
olgaga · 01/12/2012 12:09

Well I wouldn't ever say "most men" are awful after separation. In fact the figures show that it's only about 10% of separations which end up with acrimonious court hearings and contact disputes. It's very sad for the families concerned - such as your friend's.

You won't get a general overview here because most people who post their problems here are in that 10%!

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