How do you manage to separate if joint income equals current one household outgoings?

[bendaroo]

I am building up to telling my DH I want us to separate. I've got a thread in Relationships called 'should I give him a third chance?'

But I'm not sleeping well therefore don't feel strong enough to deal with this because I'm so worried about the logistics of a split. I feel completely stuck.

Our joint income equals our outgoings. We don't save and though I'm self employed I don't earn enough for a pension say, or enough in the tax-savings account (though I aim to save 15-20% of my SE earnings) as we need all my income for monthly expenditure.

So how would we have enough for both mortgage and running of 1 house to a flat as well for DH? And of course it would need to be big enough for 2 kids to visit at weekends. I really don't want to sell the house as we only moved here a few months ago and the kids have moved several times in recent years. They need stability.

Any advice about how it all works?

Have you looked at the turn to us / entitled to website? I can't do links but if you google ... basically you can enter you details as a single parent and it will tell you roughly what if any benefits you would be able to claim. You can still claim tax credits if you are self employed (I did). You might already do that of course!

If you really don't want to move you might want to consider a lodger if you have a spare room or could create one either by kids sharing or you sleeping in the living room (sofa bed?). Not ideal but an idea.

Ultimately you may need to move if you really can't afford it.... I know how you feel I had to move twice in several months with dd aged 9 as my dh left me. She coped very well though. If you do need to move obviously try and stay in the same area for schools etc so children can keep that stability. It won't be as bad on them as you think.

Draw up spreadsheet listing every bill

Then tackle each bill with a way to reduce/remove.

Can you change provider
Do you really need this
Can you manage on less
Can you negotiate different terms (mortgage ? Interest only until on your feet)
What will change to income when single? (Council tax reduction for one, working tax credit etc)
Can you increase income

Then look at housing. Maybe moving is the only answer. Maybe a lodger?

Consider contacting an agency like CAP

It won't be impossible. It will depend on how much you are prepared to do to make it happen

Thank you both, really helpful.

I'll look at those websites suggested. We already have a spreadsheet with monthly budget so I need to go through it but think we've recently done most of the reductions that are possible.

I fear this split has to happen so I'm just going to have to deal with whatever financial fall out there is.

One of the biggest ways to save for many families is to get rid of sky if you have it and are not locked into contract.... the boxes will provide freeview after the sky is disconnected. Freesat is very good as well if you don't have sky but had virgin or bt for example.

Look at something like plusnet for your internet and phone. So cheap and works well!

Aldi. For. Everything. Seriously.

Heating down. Jumpers on!

Embrace cooking from scratch and never buy ready meals unless on very special offer or you can't make it yourself.

Include saving for things in your budget .. make sure you include car tax, birthdays, children clothes fund! Stuff like that, then you won't be caught short unexpectedly.

Have a Christmas jar. Put all spare money into it, coins etc. Spend it on food for Christmas or smaller presents.

As you can tell.. being a single mum for a while has rubbed off on me!!

My ex and I's household income equalled my pay. I got a lodger in who also happens to be great company and easy to live with so huge bonus there.

Shop at Lidl. Kids clothes are all from H and M or Lidl as they are cheap and last a long time and bought in sales. I always look for stuff in sales and have managed to get some kids trousers for a £2-3 rather than the £10 they should be. Take any second hand when offered.

Heating only on for certain amount of time and also pay the same amount throughout the year so have enough to cover it through winter and easier to budget.

Cook in batches and freeze never buy ready meals. Never take purse into work. I have over the past few months started to redo this as mortgage went down and my weight has gone up LOL.

All spare coins in money box which I intend to open a week or so before christmas for treats. Basic sky package if you must have it.

it is doable and I have done it. You will be surprised by what you can reduce it down by and don't forget you won't have his running costs mobile, food, drink, car etc which will reduce it.