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Should I call it a day?

3 replies

JANPAUL · 11/09/2012 21:06

Thanks for taking the time to read my post, I hope someone can give me some advice good or bad, I will try and make it brief but this is going to be hard. I have been married 7yrs together for 10yrs. I have spent the last 10years supporting and financing my husband and his 3 children from a previous marriage. (natural mother moved to other end of the country in the middle of the night without telling or taking her children 3yrs ago and has no contact, which is her choice) Due to his youngest son (14yrs & 5"10) hitting me 18mths ago, I moved out into an apartment around the corner with my husbands daughter (19yrs). I work 2 jobs whilst my husband works when the weather is fine or work is available (bricklayer). The past 18mths I have had to pay for 2 lots of rent/council tax, furnish the 2nd flat. He hasnt given me hardly anything towards the extra expense apart from £500 in 18mths. I support his daughter she is at a local university. He continues to go out with his friends 3 times a week playing golf/bowls/darts, he is a frequent visitor at the bookies, I dont have a clue how much is spent in there at a guess maybe £70-£100pwk? He comes to my flat 2/3 times a wk and stops the night twice a wk. My husband keeps assuring me that as soon as his son is 16 and goes into the army we can live together. I refuse to live with his son, his behavour is disgusting he has no respect for anyone, he dosnt even go to school as he got expelled for assaulting the teachers and trashing the school, and has major anger issues and smashes the furnishings including 3 brand new tv's. I am now beginning to disrespect my husband and have a feeling that I am just being used for financial reasons, I really don't think I can do another 2yrs even though I do love him and he tells me all the time he loves me! I tick of the calendar in my head waiting for 13/9/2014. Should I just end it now and stop the financial support & tell him to knock on my door in 2yrs time and see what happens??? sorry its a bit long.. thanks

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/09/2012 07:07

What if his son doesn't get in the army?

Only you can decide if you love your husband enough to carry on but in effect you are already living separately.

InTheNightGarden · 12/09/2012 07:35

what on earth are you doing you poor woman!!! I personally would have told the son to move out, husband aswell! I'd feel extremely used too so no wonder you feel this way, how are you managing even with 2 jobs to pay for absolutely everything? maybe if your husband worked more, went to bookies less and stopped relying on you for everything he'd buck up his ideas and pay his bit!.... just explain to him you can no longer financially support him, he WILL find a way to manage.

with his sons issues I'm not entirely sure he'll get into the army :-/ they wouldn't accept my "better" half when he was 16 down to his behaviour and a slight health issue!! - health issue being one that his friend also had but managed to get in.

hope you get this sorted :)

JANPAUL · 12/09/2012 09:41

Thanks for your replies. I also don't believe his son will get into the army, I would be surprised if he managed to get his english & maths exams for a start, but I dont tell my husband my thoughts on this, as I don't wish to come across as being negative. If by some miracle he gets into the army, I also wouldnt want him staying at mine when on home leave anyway! My other concern is my husbands daughter, who I have a close relationship with for the past 10years. If I decide to knock it on it's head now, I don't think I would be able to move on with my life with her living with me, it would be a painful reminder to me everyday, although I suspect this would get easier as time went by. The reason she lives with me is she also can't bear to live with her younger brother and partly her dad too! Im at a place now where I feel like packing up and running away but thats not the answer I know, as I have 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren of my own, who horrible as it sounds have come 2nd fiddle to this 10yr fiasco, which is partly because I didnt want my grandchildren around his son and his behaviour! Although I have had my grandchildren stop overnight at my place since living seperatley from my husband :-)

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