How can my husband treat me so bad after admitting to an affair?

[Shelly06]

Hi Ladies, I'm new to all this so excuse me if I waffle. I'm looking for advice, support and somewhere to vent on what feels like a nightmare right now.

I'm a mother of two that had been with my husband for 13 years, married for almost 7, when he dropped the bombshell that we'd grown apart and he was leaving me to be on his own. That he cared for me but wasn't in love with me anymore. This was 5 weeks after I'd had our second son. I was devastated and knew something was suspicious as I'd sensed a real change in his behaviours towards me the last six months of my pregnancy.

To cut a long story short I hacked into his Facebook to uncover the truth that he was madly in love with a work colleague he'd known for about 4-5 years. Turned out she was a woman he'd mentioned was into him two/three years previously but I'd not thought much to it, thinking he'd never be the type to cheat.

Well, it now explains a lot about the unexpected arguments we'd been having, his moodiness and distance over the last year. I uncovered the truth in Apr and since then he's been back and forth between us - one minute saying he realises he belongs with me and the kids only to be cheating on
Me with her a week later. This last time was the final straw and he's moved out for good to his parents, leaving me in a huge house he convinced me to sign for in Jan knowing full well he was with her.

My question is around how he can be so cold and callous toward me now after everything he's put me and my six year old through. He says mean things and shows no concern. Wish I could take a pill to take away my feelings and not care that she'll soon replace me in his family - most of which I have been really close to not having such strong bonds with my own. I'm so worried for mine and the kids future and cannot understand the anger he has toward me. It's like after 13 years he just wants to erase me and the fact he cannot really annoys him! :( x

[AndTheSkyWasAllViolet]

Do you have any updates, ss770640? I got reading your story and was like wow. You sound like such a kind man. Are you and her together still?

[Molly333]

How awful . My ex did the same and his parents walked from me and then the children totally hidious as he was the one who had an affair and was violent! So on a practical note here's what you do .

Take control back! Boundary him , do not put you or your sons in any position where he can verbally abuse or manipulate you . Put the phone down, shut the door dibt listen !!! You take charge , you have to fight to have a good respectful life with people like that and you have to do it . He won't like this and will react as it's not the usual you but then he's made you have to do this ! if he kicks off boundary him again! Also make life fun for your son again have movie pizza night , go out again. Make new friends get him outside boys love that.
Take his control away plan a fun new life maybe move to near your support but take the control off him !!! You can and will have a better life as a result . Don't let him make you a victim