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Ex just stopped paying! What do I do?

16 replies

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/08/2012 23:47

Hello. :)

Have been separated from ExH for almost 3 years, really amicably. We had worked out a separation agreement, and our divorce is almost finalised.

Suddenly, literally overnight, he announced he can no longer afford to pay maintenance. It was slightly over the CSA rate but we had agreed it together so I said, OK, just pay the CSA rate. He said he can't afford to pay that either. Hmm

Basically, he says he has run up debts since we've split up, and that the Citizens Advice Bureau told him to stop paying me, because he wouldn't get away with not paying his rent, electricity, etc. Lovely!

He used to smoke spliffs every day but has just stopped. He says he's been going to N.A, and has "woken up" to how much he's messed his life up. But it's all coming out as anger, directed my way. He resents that I'm in the house (currently v cheap due to interest rates) while he has to rent a house; he resents that he has "overpaid" maintenance for the past 3 years; he resents everything, basically.

I don't know what to do.

Even more complicated... The house is his house but I pay the mortgage. He is adament he doesn't want to sell it. To help me manage during the time he can't pay maintenance, he offered to get a mortgage holiday. But when he spoke to the mortgage company, he told them we'd split up and he'd moved out - at which point they apparently asked him for my financial details before they'd agree to the mortgage break. I'm just dubious about handing those over - perhaps over-cynically.

We've always got on well and were happily apart. He has kids 35% of the time, and I thought we'd worked it out well. I don't know what to do now.

If you have any insights or brainwaves, do feel free to share! Thanks. :)

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 21/08/2012 23:49

Solicitor told me to contact CSA. I tried to open a case online today, but the site crashed. Hmm I can call them tomorrow.

OP posts:
TodaysAGoodDay · 21/08/2012 23:51

CSA. He will have to pay, but you'll be stuck if he is self-employed, as the CSA have no way of making him pay.

AnuvvaMuvva · 21/08/2012 23:53

Ex said he wants to up his share of child-care to 50%, and therefore not pay any maintenance at all. There are a few reasons I'd be unhappy to do that, not least his history of smoking dope day and night. I don't want them to grow up like him. :(

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 21/08/2012 23:53

He is self-employed. :(

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 21/08/2012 23:54


OP posts:
TodaysAGoodDay · 21/08/2012 23:58

Oh dear. Can you try phoning the CSA anyway? They give good impartial advice. Or if you're desperate you could try the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/08/2012 00:01

Yes, I'll call the CSA.

I will go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau. In fact, I'll go to the one he went to and ask to speak to the man Hmm there who told Ex he should stop paying any maintenance!

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RedHelenB · 22/08/2012 07:37

I'd go 50/50 & then you can earn more money. He will have to pay maintenance though, but if self employed it does seem to be easier to hide your true income/ BTW, if you were ,married it isn't HIS house it is a shared asset.

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/08/2012 10:36

I really don't want to go 50/50 and miss half my kids' childhood. :(

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cestlavielife · 22/08/2012 11:22

you wont miss half their growing up will you? so long as you seeing them regulalrly every few days or whatever the arangment is; you not missing their growing up ...
he already has them 35% of the time anyway so going up to 50 is no such a huge leap

but if there are welfare issues around his smoking etc then these need to be addressed...

but i think you need to sort out the finances in your divorce espec the house and what willl happen with it and the mortgage etc. if you were married then it wasnt "his" house but the marital home and you have rights to it .

KatMumsnet · 22/08/2012 12:25

Hi there, we've moved this thread into Divorce/separation. Thanks.

Collaborate · 22/08/2012 13:50

You must sort out the house straight away. If he has debts/creditors they may be able to go after the house to clear the debt, particularly if they get a court judgment against him. If he's made bankrupt you'vge got a year before they can make you move out.

If you sort out the house in the divorce you might end up with your housing needs met, protected from his creditors, either in the current house or another one.

Speak to your solicitor before legal aid is withdrawn (April 2013).

AnuvvaMuvva · 22/08/2012 14:22

Collaborate - when you say "sort the house out", what do you mean?

My solicitor has lodged one of those "financial interest in the property" things (lol) that would come up on searches if he tried to sell it. I read that that also means he wouldn't be able to remortgage the house. Is that true?

How could I sort out the house so that his creditors wouldn't be able to come after it, without selling it? Thanks. :)

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 22/08/2012 14:22

Thanks for moving this Kat.

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 22/08/2012 14:24

cestlavielife I just really don't want to have any less contact with the kids than I already do. I can't really explain it - I just don't want to. I REALLY don't want to.

I on't think he really wants 50/50 either - he just wants not to have to pay maintenance.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 22/08/2012 14:32

Sorting out the house means applying for a transfer of property order within the divorce. Putting a notice of matrimonial homes rights against title to the property (which is what has been done for you) doesn't protect you against his creditors.

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