I want to separate but can't summon up the courage to tell him...

[MakeMineAPint]

I reaslly need some advice. I've been married to DH for nearly 9 years, together for 12, and we have a beautiful 2yr old DD. I know in my heart of hearts that I don't want to be with DH anymore and want us to separate, but I just can't bring myself to say the words because I know it's going to be horrible, and he'll be completely shocked & devastated which will all be down to me. I know that I have to do it because the thought of staying together fills me with absolute dread & would be detrimental to all of us, but I keep putting it off and hoping he'll ask me what's wrong so I can come out with it.

So please, tell me how you managed it. DH is a good man, he's not violent, doesn't get drunk etc etc, but I've fallen out of love with him plain & simple.

Also posting in relationships...

Many thanks for your message. I hope you are in a better place now & yes, hopefully I will be too...

I know this an old thread but relate so much to some of the messages. I told my OH I wanted to separate he’s pretty upset. I have essentially fallen out of love with him I can’t give him anything specific that he has done, it’s just do not want it anymore. We bicker but not many explosive rows, just kind o I know this an old thread but relate so much to some of the messages. I told my OH I wanted to separate he’s pretty upset. I have essentially fallen out of love with him I can’t give him anything specific that he has done, it’s just I’m not want it anymore. We bicker but not many explosive rows. I disagree with his parenting at times but nothing abusive or anything, no intimacy (me) kind of like housemates. I’m no catch very overweight etc so feel a bit of a fraud somehow. If I think about what I would really want in the future he wouldn’t be in it as my partner. I just don’t feel I can go on like this for the rest of my life or until the DC are older. I disagree with his parenting at times but nothing abusive or anything. I’m no catch very overweight etc so feel a bit of a fraud somehow. If I think about what I would really want in the future he wouldn’t be in it as my partner. I just don’t feel I can go on like this for the rest of my life or until the DC are older.

Sorry not sure what happened there …

@Twinsmommy

Oh, I do feel for you. I have been in the exact same position. Was with my partner for almost 7 years and we have twins of 6. I felt awful about it as, at the end of the day, it was me forcing the split and I won't deny that it was a horrid time - for all of us, when I actually voiced my desire to split. My OH didn't want to leave but I had put it off and put it off and we'd had umpteen sessions of counselling until I couldn't go on any longer - and then I wished I had had the courage to do it when the children were much younger. MY OH was not violent and didn't get drunk either - but, had other issues that were insurmountable for us.

Now, a year post-separation, we are all in a great place. Ex-OH has moved on with a new girlfriend and I, although not in a relationship, do not live with the resentment I was harbouring towards him, nor any of the initial guilt I had at splitting the family up. We are still good friends and have managed to keep the disruption to the children to a minimum. Ex-OH still sees the children every day and, TBH, there doesn't seem to be that much that has changed in their/our routine apart from the fact that their daddy no longer lives in the house with us. We have been quite lucky in the fact that we have been able to stay, accommodation-wise, quite close to each other and Ex-OH is still contributing, as he should, to childcare and doing as much as he can.

It takes a brave person to acknowledge that there is a problem and to voice it. And yes, I won't deny that it will be horrible, and there will be days when you feel terribly guilty for what COULD have been, but if there is no-way back for your relationship then you really do owe it to yourself and your child to be in the best possible emotional state that you can be in going forward. Living your life in a dead-end relationship is neither healthy for your, your child, nor your husband.

I hope you find the courage to make the next step.

Beautifully put. I am about to go through this situation myself and reading this has really resonated with me. Thank you!

Hi I have been with my hubby for 17 years and we have 3 kids 2 that have special needs and I'm finding it really hard to find the right words to tell him I'm no long in love with him he is a fab guy and dad but I just don't feel the same. I was stupid and had an affair and he found out but that's not why I want to leave but I'm scard he will try and use that again as to why I want to leave . We share a home and I will have no where if he throws me out last time I spoke about a separation he said I wouldn't get the kids and I'm not thinking about them . I'm just so lost for words now my anxiety is sky high and I just don't know what to do or say or even how to say it to him so if anyone has any advice plz plz it wud be much appreciated.