He wont sign......

[charllie]

I ended a 12 year relationship in 2009. I had realised months before that i just wasn't happy, i didn't love him and realised that i had never loved him. I was just 16 when i met him, he was 22. Being a 16 year old and having a 22 year old telling you he loves you, proposing within weeks, i just got carried away with it all and done what i thought i had to do......live together, get married, have a child - the only thing i actually did want! The reason i never left before 2009!!?? He was an arsehole! I was scared! I've since been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress because of him. Am currently seeing a therapist to help with this. So as you can imagine, the relationship was, in a word, shit! The break-up was the scariest time of my life.
Once my emergency injunction was in place, i applied for a divorce (this was in 2009) and he has had the divorce papers since April last year. Are they signed, no! He has a girlfriend, who he is apparently the happiest he has ever been with, he has a flat, he's got the life he has always wanted, goes out, gets pissed, goes to festivals etc. So why wont he sign the divorce papers!! Control! My solicitor has said he has til Friday (the one just gone) then she is going to apply to the court to grant me the divorce.
I worry about his reaction when he finds out that we're divorced, scared of what he'll do........

God, that sounds awful. i'm so sorry you're going through this. my ex husband was a horrible man too, i think the only reason he signed the divorce papers was becasue he didn't really think i'd go through with it! it sounds like he's still trying to control you by not signing the papers, people like that find it difficult to let go even when they are maintaining that things are better for them. have you got much support from friends and family?

xx

Thank you. Wish he'd think that way, would be able to get the divorce over and done with then. The way he was with me when we broke up, he definitely doesn't and don't think did love me. So its more of a 'posession' thing i think. Well my OH is amazing, i wrote a letter to my ex (not to send, but to help me) my OH has read it, so when i start crying out of no-where he now knows why. I don't really talk about things with people, so family aren't really aware of things, not to the degree that it was anyway. And friends, i don't drink in the pub where i used to that much anymore and alot of the friends i had, all drink in there. So dont' really see many of them either.
Just hoping the divorce comes through soon. What was your ex like when the divorce came through? xx

well i had a totally lucky escape, he contested a couple of things on the divorce i think as a sort of punishment (or to gain some control over the process) but when it finally came through we hadn't had contact for so long that nothing was said. i don't think he knew how to contact me anyway as i cut all ties completely. i felt like a new person when the divorce came through, it was a huge relief and i felt like i caould beging a new life, even though he was still around in the background he was nothing to do with me anymore.

i understand what you mean about not really talking to family, it's more complicated when you're close to people, i tried to protect my family from a lot of what was going on but also i felt like i had created the situation by putting up with his crap, like i was partly to blame! so i think i kept a lot of stuff to myself. it's good that your OH is supportive, it's so important to have someone on your team.

i hope it all goes smoothly for you x

thank you :D he came round today, with his gf (her doing) and took the stuff he wants and then they got the divorce papers out and he signed!!! Yes he signed! yay! And just like you, felt relief! Its an awesome feeling, knowing that the form is signed. I even hand delivered it to his solicitor today haha x

I'm really glad he signed charllie. Mine did the same with the threat of court and associated costs hanging over his head. Enjoy the rest of your life!