Little support for children of divorce?

[Happymum22]

Both myself and my children have all had to grow up with divorced parents. My parents divorce was fairly amicable and not at all messy, it was explained very well to me and I continued a good relationship with both my parents. However, I still remember the pain of it all and the long term effect it had on me.
Unfortunately my ex had a very messay affair, dragged the children into it getting them to lie and eventually leaving me by walking out one day. I found out about my husbands affair from my 9 year old son who it all got too much for and he told me. All my four children really struggle with our divorce, all deal with it very differently and have each in turn tried to regain contact with their father. Sadly, none of them have a good realtionship with him and my eldest two have 'shut' him from their lives.

I work in the field of education and child and adolcent psychology. My eldest DD has graduated and is working for NSPCC Childline head office. We were talking tonight about the amazing service Childline provide (if you aren't aware of it just look at their website), they've really reached out to huge numbers of children with all sorts of big and small issues.
DD was saying however though how she's noticed the number of children whos issues stem from their parents divorce often which happened years ago and how there is a big lack of support and intervention at the time of the divorce.

When I divorced my eldest two were very affected and had a bit of informal counselling through school. They it all felt very ineffective though and that so much more could've been done to help them.

Do you agree with this? What are people's experiences?

I agree, though I don't know what the answer is other than freely available specialist counselling, and TBH many parents IME wouldn't recognise at the time that their children need such support. Parents are often in the middle of their own crisis at times like this, and it can be easy not to spot the children inwardly suffering.

There was some research conducted in the 80s I think by Plymouth University that featured in a documentary by the BBC. It featured one child whose parents did everything the "right way", yet still he was emotionally damaged by it all. It only surfaced when his mother was going to remarry. His father had already remarried.

I agree, the big issue is parents not recognising their child needs help often through no fault of their own. Children often don't show their emotions and adapt to the changes reasonably well, some often even feel excited about a move of house, and it isn't until later the supressed emotions and realisation of the whole situation comes to them when often by then the 'turmoil' of it all is over so children feel the time to feel or show their sadness is passed.
I guess I feel there is just a lack of understanding or knowledge about the huge impact it had on children as well as this translating into a lack of services.

Do you know what the documentary was called collaborate?

I can't remember the name, though the father had a wicked mullet so that would make it 1980s. I was shown it in my Collaborative training. I'll try and remember to check my course notes on Wednesday.