Separation

[reluctantmpvdriver]

I am thinking of separating rather than taking the plunge and divorcing at the moment as I cannot bear the idea of divorce although I am pretty certain that we will ultimately divorce and I am really not convinced that my DH will agree to move out so the idea may go down the pan. Does anyone have any experience of separating prior to a divorce? I am mostly concerned about the children as I am concerned that this might be confusing to them. I am also hoping to hear of peoples experiences generally - what are the pros and cons?

Many people separate before divorcing. In fact you can even be separated whilst living in the same house.

This is the definition in the UK to be Legally separated

^Living apart from a husband, wife or civil partner without divorcing or legally ending the partnership. No formal legal document is necessary to prove legal separation provided the couple are not living together. A couple can be separated but still live under the same roof if they arrange the household so that they no longer sleep or eat together, and do not do domestic chores, such as washing or ironing, for each other.^ (Sourced from the UK border agency website)

there is also a little used "Judicial separation" which is a sort of "non-divorce" used by people who want to separate and have moral objections to divorce.

Practically separating means that you need to disentangle your lives. Bills, payments, wages, pensions, wills, cars, insurance, living arrangements etc.

For me I separated 6 months ago due to DV. I have given him some time to demonstrate concrete change ( I said would not have him back until change has lasted more than 2 years) he was DV to our children too. I think it is very doubtful that I will remain separated and expect to have to divorce in order to keep finances/contact etc. on a legal basis. But this is because my OH is an abuser and not improving .

For the children it is obviously going to be difficult whatever. All you can do is explain as simply and age appropriately as you can what is going on. For them the difference between S and D is little. Unless we manage to confuse them.

You don't say why you are considering this step and for me that would be the main thing that influenced what I did and how I did it. Also would affect how the DCs react.