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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

When did you take your wedding ring off?

48 replies

MyelinSheath · 05/05/2012 18:07

Just that really. I told dh I want to move to the spare bedroom and that there is no hope left for our marriage. I've not moved bedroom yet because he is really upset. If you moved rooms, did you take your rings off, or did you wait to be in separate houses?

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 18/06/2012 18:44

How long did it take everyone's finger to get back to normal?!

Mine's been off for a week and although I know there will be a shade difference due to sun exposure over the last few months (yes, there has been a little bit of sun!) mine still looks shrivelled and wrinkly!

Its annoying me and making me self-conscious of the space where it once was, but is no more like I need reminding every 5 minutes.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 18/06/2012 18:54

Ha, mine has been gone for nearly 10 months and I think the groove it made is permanent. I'm sure it's only me that notices it, though. I've bought myself a really lovely silver chunky ring for my middle finger, very different style to my old conservative gold wedding band. It looks fabulous.

DoingItForMyself · 18/06/2012 21:12

Distraction is the key then Ellen (or should I call you NotEllen?!) I will buy several large and flamboyant rings for all the other fingers Grin

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 18/06/2012 21:15

That's the way to go!

VandaDarkFlame · 18/06/2012 22:08

We were supposed to be having a trial separation, but after 2 weeks he told me he wasn't coming back, so I took mine off then. He'd already started telling people he'd left me anyway, so no point wearing it any longer.

That was almost 2 years ago and although the stripe on my finger isn't shrivelled and white anymore, I can still tell where y ring was. Don't know if other people can, nobody as mentioned it.

Collaborate · 19/06/2012 09:33

Sort of relevant to the original question:

I had a client a few years back who said that he never wore a wedding ring since his soon to be ex wife had an accident. She was reaching something from a high shelf standing on a box and her ring caught on a small hook on the edge of the shelf, just as she was stepping down. Her weight caused her finger to be pulled clean off.

Ouch............ [shivers]

DoingItForMyself · 19/06/2012 11:08

H used this as an excuse for not wanting one. I said the the chances of this happening in his sedentary desk job were minimal and he was being a drama queen, so in the end he agreed. Good job it never happened or that would be something else for him to blame me for!

FateLovesTheFearless · 19/06/2012 11:12

I had chucked them at him the night he woke me up from sleeping and attacked me. I never put them back on again, though it was a week or so later I told him it was over.

legohouse · 19/06/2012 15:09

sold mine today,got £45

supersare · 04/07/2012 08:07

During our 20 year marriage I used to take it off during every row, occasionally throwing it at my exh. I took it off permanently when we finally separated 3 months ago and it's sitting in a jewellery box with my engagement ring. I've not decided what to do as strangely I actually miss wearing them now Sad and can't contemplate getting rid of them just yet. Will maybe keep them for my dd for when she's older, or perhaps once the divorce goes through sell them and buy an expensive bottle of wine with the proceeds! Wink

CremeEggThief · 04/07/2012 18:19

About 4 hours after he admitted to an affair. This was in the early hours of Saturday 9th June this year. I put them in my jewellery box for now. I miss wearing my engagement ring a lot, as the gem is my birthstone, and I wore it every day for 13 and a half years.

Soila · 04/07/2012 23:52

I kept both mine (been married and divorced twice) for my girls. I gave the engagement ring and wedding band to my eldest daughter from first marriage when she turned 18 and I have the other ones for my younger one for when she turns 18 too.

But both times it took time to finally take them off. I finally did when I was ready i.e. when I had no more emotion invested in the relationship and never put them back on again.

supersare · 05/07/2012 14:09

In response to Collaborate. I was married for 20 years and stopped wearing mine in April this year. The white mark has gone and also the indentation which I find quite remarkable to be honest, I really thought it would be a permanent reminder. Quite a relief as well. At the weekend, I bought matching mother and daughter rings for myself and dd. I'm not a big jewellery wearer but it is nice to wear something meaningful again Smile

aokay · 06/07/2012 22:46

day he left. love the buying new rings for yourselves ladies - will treat myself to something when the legal hassle over. new life ring, or something like that!
not keeping mine for dd's as feel symbol of failure - not like a marriage of 30yrs love or anything sadly.

DoingItForMyself · 06/07/2012 23:03

Agree with you aokay, I have kept mine but don't think I would want DD to have it, as to me its a symbol of 'til death do us part' gone wrong Sad

Tried wearing my DM's beautiful engagement ring on that finger last week (its the only one it will fit onto, being a bit shrunken!) but it felt a bit like a lie wearing anything on there.

Midwife99 · 06/07/2012 23:54

I took mine off yesterday & sold it for £150 just before I saw my solicitor to file for divorce.

Yani · 07/07/2012 00:24

I took mine off when my feelings changed for exdh.
Fast forward a few years, miss wearing them, and still love them.
Spoke to dp, discussed wearing rings, he agreed. :)
We'll never marry, so i'll never get another set & I love the sparkle of my diamonds!
Might seem strange, but one day I'll give to DD.
In the meantime I enjoy the jewellery, but feel nothing about ex, no connections, emotional bonds or regrets.
Now my rings are simply beautiful pieces of jewellery.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 07/07/2012 00:40

I love my wedding ring - designed it myself - and miss wearing it, as a piece of jewelry. I need money but I don't feel right about selling it.

I also can't remember when I took it off. I know it was a little while into our separation. I may have been waiting for the right symbolic moment. In the end, I don't think there ever was a symbolic moment: I just took it off one day when I no longer saw the point in wearing it, and that was that.

My ring finger still feels naked (again, more from the jewelry angle), so I wear a lot of other rings on it, to match my outfit.

wilkos · 07/07/2012 00:42

took mine off about a month after I had asked him to leave, and by some miracle he had actually agreed! he probably thought it was an empty threat, IT WASNT.

it did feel ridiculous to carry on wearing them, considering what they stood for, ie: love, happiness, togetherness... was so sadly lacking in our marriage by the end.

I wont sell them though, will keep them. after all, they meant something to me when I first started wearing them and we managed to have 2 DC together.

daffydowndilly · 07/07/2012 08:59

At least 6 months before I decided I couldn't go on with the marriage. My subconscious understood my needs more than I did. Sad.

Lovemy3kids · 12/07/2012 19:04

On the day we told the children....didn't want him to think it was something I still wanted to wear after what he did xx

lovelymummy47 · 13/07/2012 11:10

Have taken mine on and off during rows and I had mixed feelings for exH all along(not sure if he was my soul mate!). Took them off finally when I fleeing for refuge, crashed them Grin and left them on top of our torn wedding portrait. I was soo bitter after he had physically assaulted me occasionally and abused me mentally, emotionally and financially. Just learnt he is a bloody narcisst. :( No regrets whatsoever!

KirstyWirsty · 18/07/2012 12:56

I took mine off during the dicovery of the affair discussion - I made him take his off too and I have all 3 of them ..He actually begged me to get his ring back .. I couldn't understand it - it was a symbol of what he's screwed over

Took a couple of weeks for my finger to go back to normal - I wore my first engagement ring for a wee while and then switched that over to my right hand.

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