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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

sooo confused cant stop crying

1 reply

xpixietoesx · 04/05/2012 10:49

on monday my husband sexually assaulted me.

i called the police they have taken my clothes, done a video statement including information about the relationship and that he has also hit my son when he (me son)was being difficult and that i have not be agreed to sex but been letting him have to so to void tempers ive been looked at by a doctor (but not a forensic as they couldnt get one)

but sitting with my sons right now i know 3 things

1 everything i have said is all true

2 i never want to be with him again and will be getting a divorce

3 i dont want him to go to prison, but dont know what to do i want him to get help his opinion on women and his temper need sorting but i think with help he can deal with that.

The be all is i don't love him and haven't for a long time, we where in a catch 22 ive asked him to leave he refused, he said he still loved me and i was welcome to leave with the kids as long as i left him the house (council shared tenancy) so he could have them over etc

i work part time and both my sons are under 4, i have asked the council for help they said there was nothing they could do.

Ill be honest id meet some new who had debts to clear but we both agreed in try and make do of a bad situation and once he was on top of he debts hed move near to me and hes three kids for his ex, rent and property and id sign over the house to my husband there by he could have the the kids over night (after some ground rules and him understanding he needed some help with his temper) and in the most part we would both have what we wanted.

My husband knew i didn't love him any more and had still be trying for sex, he can get aggressive/moody towards me and the kids if he doesn't get his way i had be lying that i wasnt in contact with the other man but he knew i was in love with him and 9 times out of 10 i give in but there have been time ive said no and he continued regardless because he said im his wife and if the over bloke could have slept with me why couldnt he,one of these times was this Monday and i snapped.

All i want is for him to leave me alone and be a dad to the kids, with all my heart id want to get on with him as a friend and a parent of two beautiful boys, when hes good hes great we dont always fight but at the end of the day the relationship isnt health for me, him or the kids in part we clash and i think the age gap isnt helping anymore.
ive never wanted a war and i desperately don't want him to go to prison he just needs help, i have been thinking about asking my PC who's looking after me that i don't want him to go to prison i just want him to understand what he did was wrong he and i are over, he needs helps to deal with his problems but i don't what the kids to lose there dad nor his granson to lose a grandad.

if i said to the police do you think it would make any difference

OP posts:
bigvig · 04/05/2012 13:41

I understand that you say you do't want him to go to prison. However this is what men like him rely on. They are aggessive and then pathetic when threatened evoking your misplaced sympathy. Get yourself and your boys out of this position. What kind of man would ask for the house when you have two sons to look after. Why do you feel sorry for him but not your son whom you blame for 'being difficult'? I was abused by my Stepfather and finally brought him to justice after 20 years due to my fears about a neice. My mother could have stopped it all if she had spoken out but she preferred to keep quiet and hope that she could stop things being too bad if she just put up with him. She couldn't. When he was finally jailed all I felt was sympathy for him - no-one else not myself, my sister or my mother. It is only now years later that I can see him for what he was. You need to do this now. Even if you feel sorry for him act on what you know to be right. That is that your sons and you deserve better than this manipulative, entirely selfish and cowardly rapist.

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