Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Should I encourage him to have a paternity test?

4 replies

jenrose29 · 17/04/2012 22:48

My partner has two children aged 4 and 5. His wife, by her own admission, cheated more times than she could remember. He has always had doubts that one/both children are his but obviously loves them very much and didn't ever want to query it in case he was stopped from seeing them. He and his wife seperated when the children were just under 1.5 and 2.5 years old. She has stopped contact regularly and has often allowed more contact with the younger child than the older child. She treats the children very differently, giving the older child preferential treatment by far, adding to my partners concern that they may not be his.

At the moment, she has stopped contact again and finally he is going through solicitors to sort out a regular pattern of contact. However, she has threatened that she can 'turn his world upside down' etc on regular occasions. Obviously, with his worries about the paternity of the child/ren he thinks this could be what she is talking about. Should he get a paternity test done so that she cannot spring any negative news on him later on? If it were found that one/both children were not biologically his, would he have a right to any contact with them? I know he worries a lot that one/both might not be his but doesn't want to face up to what that might mean. However, I also feel it is unfair on the child/ren if they later have him removed from their life if he isn't their father and that the longer it goes on the harder it would also be on him and also our children. On the other hand, if the test comes back that he is the father to both he can relax and enjoy them and ignore her threats. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
WhenDoISleep · 18/04/2012 10:54

What does your DH want to do? Has he thought through how things might work out given the various results scenarios and how he feels about that. Doing the tests would of course remove any leverage that the exW thinks she has.

I would advise discussing it with the solicitors tbh to see what the implications would be for contact.

jenrose29 · 18/04/2012 15:20

It is likely that she would be justified in stopping contact if one/both children were found to be someone elses. However, if he leaves it and continues to pay maintenance for years and years then he may be expected to do so even once contact stops as it would be detrimental to the kids to stop doing so. Part of him wants to know so he can feel secure in his relationship with them and not listen to his ex-wifes threats, but then obviously the implications of one/both of them not being his is just plain scary.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 24/04/2012 07:38

He was married to her, his name was on the birth certificate to all intents & purposes he IS their father so he needs to sort out contact.

Mama1980 · 24/04/2012 16:42

What does your dh want to do? What a horrible situation. I -purely thinking of it from the children's point of view-think its better for them to know the truth. How awful would it be forthem if their mum tells them this later in and they decide to test themselves etc. however I can fully understand how torn your dh must be. I would second getting a solicitors advice, if they are not his then j don't think regular contact is very likely, but any court would rule in the child's best interest. For peace of mind I could not live with that hanging over me and my relationship with my children, but only my opinion. If he is on the birth certificate legally he is their father unless a DNA test proves otherwise.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page